Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, TODAY is a gift ........ 

What I Now Know For Sure

At a certain point through my life journey, my life became less about who I was becoming and more about who I had become. What I used to think of as the future has now become the present, and I can't help but wonder if my life wouldn't have been better in the past had I just lived it more fully. But how could I have? I was too busy thinking about the future! 

Once I had passed a certain age. I could hardly believe that I had wasted even one minute of my youth not enjoying it.  And the last thing I wanted to do now was to steal any more life from myself by failing to be in it while it was happening. I finally get it - not just theoretically, but in reality - that the moment is all that I have.

There are now more years behind me than in front of me; I can’t close my eyes anymore and wonder who I could be in twenty years, but if I’m smart I can study the tape of my current existence to monitor how I am doing now. I look more closely at my thoughts, behavior and interaction with others. I understand that if I’m coming at life from fear and anger and separation I have no reason to expect anything but fear and anger and separation back. I am now seeking to increase my strengths and decrease my weaknesses. I look at my life wounds and pray for them to be healed and I ask forgiveness for the things I have done that I am ashamed of. I no longer seek satisfaction in things outside myself, completion in other people, or peace of mind in either the past or the future. I am who I am, not who I might be one day. Focusing on who I am and what my life is right now, I have come to the ironic and almost amazing realization that the best of the rest of my life can actually be on the journey itself.

Recalling places and situations where I had been unaware and/or absent on the path of my journey through life, I sometimes have the desire to do it all again - but right this time! And in some cases, though not nearly enough, I can correct my mistakes. Many people atone for not having been better parents by being much better grandparents. And that’s often how their children forgive them. But some situations aren’t so amenable to redoing, and some years and painful situations can’t so easily be made right. That’s why it’s become so important for me now to appreciate that the best time to try to be my best is in the present moment. I’ll never have a better chance.