Along our journey through life our words and actions leave a ripple effect in the lives of others....

The Ripple Effect Moments In Life

Little things matter as they are really the big things. They are often the start of the ripple that effects the lives of others. It's been powerful as I have become aware of the little things and started to appreciate them - the moments in life that I tend to often overlook - but that truly do matter. 

So often I have raced through life unaware of the ripple that I am leaving as, unknowingly, my tone has been short with someone I am talking to, such as the salesclerk at the busy cash line of the supermarket or I have responded with annoyance at yet another question from an acquaintance who is constantly seeking to be heard. Sometimes I have scowled as I sat waiting in line for service by someone who was running behind schedule or I forgot to hold the door for someone behind me because I was totally focussed on my own agenda. I have often internally complained, as I talked to myself,  about all that was not going well in my day.

Deep down, however, I truly do not want to leave a trail of negativity. In fact, along the paths of my life journey, I have learned to look for peace and joy because they are the posture of a heart that now tries always to embrace the positive.  The world is so full of negative - from news, to sickness, to family discord and disfunction, to friendship betrayal, to difficult financial and economic situations - that there needs to be an effort made by me to live more positively, and I have learned to recognize that I'm not in this world by myself - because if I were to look at the world through the lens of  'just me', I would lose the reality of the impact that I can have on the lives of others. So, it has become important for me to hold that door for the person racing into the store with a toddler slowly making her way at her side, to smile more when I pay for my purchases or maybe even help bag an elderly persons groceries, or to perhaps even pay for the coffee for the person behind me in line at Tim Hortons. I try to make it second nature  to say something kind to those I meet along my way and certainly to temper my words with kindness and never with cynicism or sarcasm. 

What I say and do every single day does matter - my world of so much harshness needs more good and I have a choice to make, each day, that can empower change. I can look always for the good and be honest, open and positive in all my interactions. The change in my life can start with me and then the next person, and the next.....and the ripple effect then becomes a crucial part of every moment of my journey.    

Her only way home was to betray her friend.....

Friendship, Betrayal, and Confidentiality

Being truly known by another person, exposing our insecurities, weaknesses, hopes and fears can be one of the most significant benefits of a friendship. With friendship, trust is paramount and confidentiality is an expectation. When we are friends, we assume that our secrets are safe. Unfortunately there comes a time when we might experience the hurt and betrayal that occurs when someone who we thought was a friend violates our trust, breaks our confidentiality, uses information told and shared in confidence against us and spreads private information often twisting it and/or spicing it up.

It is a very painful, if not devastating, experience when someone we trusted brings havoc to our personal life. It is impossible to understand why someone we thought was our true friend, someone who offered their friendship with an open ear and a shoulder to lean on, would betray us so maliciously.

In a true friendship there is a sense of safety, affinity, and acceptance. We can be ourself, we don't have to pretend or put up a false front. The ease and comfort, give and take, mutual understanding and respect that come from this type of friendship is what we cherish and desire. The keys to a lasting friendship are trust, respect and loyalty and to have a flourishing relationship it must be ripe with these criteria. However, when a friend betrays us, or turns into our enemy, it leaves an irreparable wound in our heart, as it relates to deception, violation of trust and exposure.  

There are lessons to be learned along the paths of our journey through life, and friendship betrayal, although painful, is truly a lesson that can be well learned. Through the process, we must begin to trust our instincts and protect ourselves from misuse and abuse by choosing our friends more carefully and we can do this by learning more about ourselves. We must no longer be so full of blind trust and we must not be so ready to share something in confidence unless we are absolutely certain that the person we have chosen to be our friend meets all of our necessary criteria. In hindsight, the signs of a friendship betrayer are always there - the constant gossiping, the divulging of the confidences of others etc. - but, for whatever our need at the time, we choose to ignore the signs and so eventually find ourselves betrayed.

Betrayal is probably the most devastating loss a person can experience. In trusting our friend we believe that they would not do anything to hurt us and when they do hurt us, we quickly become aware that the friendship has lost something very important. Unfortunately, this loss is more devastating because it did not have to occur at all, but did because of someone's deliberately hurtful behaviour. There is always a choice and a consequence involved - the betrayer knows what they are doing yet continually chooses to do it anyway. Some people express their inner unhappiness and boredom by 'stirring the pot', creating discord whenever they can. For some with low self-esteem, this is the only way that they can feel important.

We, as a betrayed friend, can begin to heal and flourish and the precious lesson learned can enrich our life and carry us, now more aware, into friendships and relationships with people with whom we want to share our life journey.

Our journey through life begins along the paths that our mother traveled before us

The Adventure of Motherhood

Motherhood is an adventure. When my daughter was born I started on a journey along a path for which there was no guide book, a path filled with many peaks and valleys, and seven years later with the birth of my son, although I now had experienced first-hand parenting, it was an entirely new experience complete with its own set of ups and downs.

It did not take long to discover that welcoming my babies meant saying goodbye to my life as I had always known it - in the blink of an eye, everything changed and life was no longer about me anymore and nor would it be for at least the next twenty years of active motherhood (and certainly 'forever' in my heart) as it was now necessary to focus almost every minute of every day on putting the needs of my children ahead of my own, as I now had the responsibility of nurturing my new babies into well-adjusted, kind and caring individuals.

Along the bumpy paths I walked through the various stages of my babies childhoods, my patience was often tested to the limit, as each phase of motherhood was ripe with issues I had never had to face before, from illnesses that were panic producing to the discussion of the birds and the bees. I was at the center of  my children's young lives for at least a decade when my hugs and kisses were craved and adoration greeted me constantly and their tiny hands and innocent smiles reached out to me eagerly. But this all changed as my loving and loveable bundles morphed into teenagers. Raging hormones had my adolescents delightfully engaging one minute and depressingly sullen the next. At this stage I didn't know if I should attempt a hug or flee from the room.  I was still loved, but demonstrations of affection had become strictly taboo. Once in a while I was granted entry into their domain, but at this stage it was on their terms, not mine. They now knew everything and I, their mother, knew nothing. It was so hard to refrain from giving unwanted advice but their eye-rolling sent a clear message that my hard-earned wisdom was not appreciated - at least for that time in their lives. With time and much patience, they matured and my opinion was sometimes asked for and valued once again. I was no longer needed to bandage cuts and scrapes, or wipe runny noses, but instead I was now there to mend their broken hearts and hurt feelings. It was the start of a whole new relationship with my almost adult children. As they entered this new phase of growth, they began to deal with some of the major issues that I had once grappled with at their age: career choice, employment, relationships, and, of course, learning the art of becoming independent and self-sufficient. As difficult as it was to let go I needed to let them stumble and fall as it was no longer healthy to solve their problems for them. I had guided them as best I knew how, but now I needed to remove the training wheels and let them find their own balance - I did and they did.  As their mother I had had the power to heal all the wounds that they suffered, but now it was time to take a back seat in their lives and say goodbye to being actively involved in everything that they did. Remembering back to the time when I struggled to become an adult and resented my parent's intrusion, it became easier to loosen the reins. But letting go was, for me, the hardest component of motherhood, as I had a strong and powerful need to keep my children safe forever within the protective and loving  parameters of my motherly embrace.

I have learned along my life journey, through much trial and error, that my children were a gift given to me for only a while and then they needed to move on into lives of their own where I needed to become a spectator rather than an active participant. It was time to share them with the world - I could not have them to myself anymore. And this was the way it would be.

Today, my ultimate reward is in having seen the fruits of my labour yield impressive results, and I can now take pride in having raised my children well. I will be their mother for life and I must regularly remind myself that they know the depths of my love for them and that they can always count on me as they place their footprints along the paths that they have chosen to walk along their life journey.


Also read: Random Thoughts on Motherhood - April 8, 2013