On her journey through Alzheimer Disease, her mind was its own place.....

Mind Collision

Written by Beverlee Blampied (c)

Like a frightened child she's lost in her mind
And as time goes by she is harder to find
She knows her name still, but she's lost all sense of self
We all try to help her, remembering the wealth
Of the love of family that we all shared
And, as mother, how much she cared
We know she's still in there, but the woman she was is gone
She's on a collision course, in a world of her own
Every now and then she stops to say hi
Then she is gone again, right in front of our eyes
She doesn't know who we are, or what day it is today
But in her mind searching, she needs us to stay
We speak softly to sooth and touch gently to not frighten
But as fast as her eyes move, her lips slowly tighten
She can no longer speak, but continues to seek  family at her side
Where we will stay with her, and watch as her two worlds collide

One is a number divided by two......

Affairs Of The Heart

Betrayal seemed to come so easily to him - maybe he thought that it did to everyone, except to her, of course. He would not have dreamed that she would betray him. And he was right. When she loved, she committed completely, the same way she did in a friendship. Nothing - no amount of discourse - would allow her to seek solace elsewhere - she would leave the relationship, be it husband or friend, before she would become part of a betrayal.

Was he so awful, she wondered? Perhaps not - perhaps just an ordinary man - a man who considered his misadventures as merely frivolous and quite separate from his, he claimed, truly wanted and loving relationship with her.

"I really don't want anyone but you" he would repeatedly tell her, when confronted, dropping his head, but keeping hold of her hands, as if he were ashamed. "I'm so sorry, truly. Believe me, it was nothing. I love only you and I wouldn't hurt you for the world. It was just stupid - nothing meaningful, and it won't happen again. I promise."

His eyes, meeting hers, would fill with true pain and sorrow for causing her damage - for maligning her world, bringing something unclean into her life. He would convince her that it had nothing to do with her and that he really loved her, that she was who mattered to him - not the other woman with whom he had had the affair. And he would keep stroking her head as if she were a small, much loved child who needed comforting.

And she would fall for it - again - because what would it mean if she didn't? Her whole life would turn upside down with the dramatic results that her refusing to believe him would bring.  She worked at convincing herself that although he was not the perfect husband - hardly ideal - there were worse men, and being in the middle of a troubled marriage was less frightening right now than the thought of facing her world alone. So she continued to pretend - what if she had never known, the first time or now - that it would be all right to not have to face the truth, and given that neither of them were perfect, she could consider the fact that maybe they had equivalent imperfections and so could rationalize that a relationship had to tolerate both sides. 

So, when he said, once more, that it would never happen again, she chose to believe him again. She put her many confusing thoughts aside, as he leaned forward, hugged her and said "I'm sorry". 

Her trust ended, but not her marriage - not yet - not this time. But in the back of her mind she could not help but wonder if her husband really was an uncaring, selfish, and intentionally hurtful man? What if she really had made such a huge error in judgement when she married him - what if her instincts turned out to be right - would she be able to accept the truth, and then, would she be able to face her future without him?