In every thought there is power for change.....

Thought for the day:
I have the power to change anything because I am the one who chooses my thoughts and I am the one who feels my feelings 

There is a sense of spiritual deadness within us if we don't follow our inner guidance.....

Thought for the day:
My challenge is to ignore the doubts that come to me from the outside and only allow my soul to shine through and guide me along my life journey.

Only the awakened can awaken others.....

Perceptions And Truths

An e-mail appeared in her inbox recently suggesting that she check out what her former high school classmates were up to. Although she wondered how her e-mail address had been attained, her curiosity got the better of her and she clicked on the provided link.  About 20 names appeared on a list of students who had graduated from the same school, in the same year as she had - she, however, recognized only one. She then read a list of attributes and was asked to click on which of the attributes she remembered about this person: awesome, ambitious, attractive, athletic, bright, sincere, confident, fashionable, fun, friendly, generous, helpful, loyal, polite, unique, witty and the list went on. She actually didn't remember anything about this particular classmate and so didn't click on any. 

She began to wonder what people would have selected about her - how had she been perceived in 1964 and would the perceptions have been realistic or truthful? What would they remember about her or was she even memorable at all? And how would who she was today reflect the young girl she was then? What had she innately carried with her and what had she learned, through her life lessons, to leave behind? Along her journey through life she had learned that she could be a role model to inspire others around her, but if she talked and acted and dressed in perceived inappropriate ways, she would also be a role model for bad behavior. Either way, whether her behavior was interpreted correctly or incorrectly, others would always notice and, of course, some would always be ready to criticize, and judge or condemn, even if they were not aware of all the truths.

Her thoughts brought her back to the present and she began to ask questions of herself. In her life now how could she be a better friend, a better spouse, a better parent? Could she give back more to her community? What was the one thing that she could work on that would really make a positive difference in her life? As a senior she wondered how she could honor her values better at this last stage of her life? Was she out of alignment with herself? Could she serve better? Could she contribute more? Could she still make a difference? How far should she have stretched herself for the sake of those who had betrayed her? 

She listened carefully to the answers that formed in her mind and came to the realization that as she was truly committed to learning and growing she had to be constantly mindful of what her values were, strictly adhere to them and then act accordingly - it was as simple as that. If she turned up the volume of the whisperings in her heart and allowed the wisdom of her soul to guide her heart, she could hopefully, one day, with truth as her guide, turn the watchers and negative judges into sojourners along the paths she chose to walk.   

Music fills my house with notes that wash away from my soul the dust of everyday life.....

Music Lifts My Soul

Music plays an important role in my life.  It is, to me, like a best friend who is there to help me through all of my bad days and/or brighten up my already happy ones.

I am always listening to some genre of music - at home, in the car, when I first wake up, as I fall asleep...all the time. It amazes me how listening to music can be so therapeutic, taking away the pressures of stress related issues by encompassing me in a healing calmness. Or how it can be an energizer, helping me to wake up, complete a project, or get through an exercise workout. Yet, at the same time, music relaxes me at night and helps to send me into a peaceful sleep.

Music has a huge impact on my mood. When I'm having a bad day and need some cheering up I can listen to something with a good tempo, dance around a bit and experience an instant mood changer. Sometimes, on really rough days, I just need to cry it out rather than dance it out and so listen to something soft and mellow and the notes put me in just the right frame of mind, allowing the water works to turn on and drown out whatever is monopolizing my thoughts and then bring me back slowly to reality. I love songs with lyrics that truly touch the soul; songs that make me stop, think and feel. There are a lot of songs that I relate to so completely that it is almost as if I had composed the words. These are the songs that become more than just music to enjoy - they become part of who I am. These songs will always have a special place in my heart because when I hear them I will remember the time in my life when I had experienced those same emotions and then I am able to reflect on where life has taken me since. 

I'm thankful for the power of music in my life - and thankful for all those who have the talent to write the words and the notes, and those who, with their beautiful voices, can perfectly bring out the emotion of a song, make beautiful music and unselfishly share it with the world. 

When an older person dies, a library is lost - so as we go along through our life we should write it down while we can.....

Insights of a Senior Citizen

Her journey to Senior Citizen Status had often been marked by sharp, uneven pebbles but other times was lined with beautiful foliage and flowers - and the wisdom she had acquired along all the paths she had walked has been very useful to her. 

However, as she got older and grayer, she started reflecting more often about her life as a senior citizen. Where was she heading to now? Would she be happy in this last stage of her journey? Would she be useful? Would she be needed? Would she be loved? Would she end her days alone? She knew she was in the twilight of her life and in the years past she had seen many different lifestyles of various senior citizens, lifestyles both positive and negative - some she could fit into, others which she wanted no part of. After retirement everyone had suggested that the years seemed to pass much faster so she knew that she needed to form a plan to have a fulfilling senior existence. She concentrated on the fact that she would now be able to be with her family and friends more often without the time constraints she had during her working 'career'. She would now be able to talk and laugh daily with her grandchildren and have more sleep-overs with them sharing popcorn and ghost stories and/or listening to their stories and thoughts about their lives as they travelled the various stages of growing up - she wanted to know every detail. She would now be able to stay up late at night watching movies till the wee hours of the morning. She would be able to chat on the phone with her friends and discuss the fantasy love affair she had watched on her favorite soap opera the previous day. She would be able to read all the books she had put aside because of life's busyness. She would be able to follow her passion and write stories and books and hopefully become a published author.  She would now be able to devote more free time to volunteering and giving back to her community. Good plans and wishful thinking, but often life managed to get in the way... 

Often, too, the realization would hit her that life does come to an end - her closest friend had recently passed away and she would no longer receive that special invitation to their family reunions or significant celebrations, or receive phone calls in the middle of the night when she needed to talk or share the news that another grandchild had been born. Another friend's husband who had dementia had recently been placed in a long term care residence. Her neighbor never made it home from the hospital after suffering a massive heart attack. She was losing people and her circle of life was beginning to close.

She knew she could turn to her immediate family for friendship and love, but she did not want to be a burden to them. Her children were grown with families of their own and their own lives to live and so had no extra time to give her, and she was certain that the thought of her one day moving in with them, if necessary, would make them shudder - and that was not a choice she wanted them to have to make nor did she want to choose that option either. She knew that that was how it should be - she was no longer the main focus of their love and affection and nor should she be. The babies in her family were too young and had no idea how much she needed them. The younger grandchildren were too active to realize that she would like to talk to them more often. And the teenagers were busy branching out to begin their individual futures.  All of this was how it should be - it was a rite of passage for both generations. But she wanted them to be proud of her and her experiences and accomplishments. She wanted them to forgive the mistakes she had made as a parent and to remember that no one was perfect. Mostly she wanted them to know that she would love them forever.

She had, through life's lessons, learned that being a Senior Citizen did not have to mean the end of her life. It had taken her a while but she finally knew that this was her time - and that she had the right to develop the way her life would unfold at this final stretch. She was still alive and well and had a lot more living to do. After much soul searching and agonizing she decided that it was time for her to find someone to share the next stage of her life with -someone who would fill her life and take away the need for her family to feel responsible for her happiness and security.

She 'dated' three men. The first was quite charming and the perfect beginner boyfriend, but was not interested in a fully committed relationship. They dated for three months and still remain friends. The second man she only dated once as he favored himself something of a player and was just looking to put another notch on his over-used bedpost. She sent him away the first evening before the midnight hour arrived. She was fortunate, finally, to meet  the third man, and now enjoys this stage of her life with a wonderful partner - he is the perfect match for her in every way - he is a gentleman, intelligent, articulate, attentive, kind, honorable, supportive and has a wonderful sense of humor. They love each other dearly. He loves her children and grandchildren and shares with her the joys of the times that they can all spend together and he appreciates their connection with him. As a couple they travel, visit museums, art galleries, and libraries, take courses, dance, sing karaoke and share dinners and cottage weekends with a close circle of friends, and are open to enjoying new life experiences as they present themselves. 

Her life is full and she is happy. Her aging outside cover simply shelters what is within her.  She wants her loved ones to take a moment to really look at her, and see the beauty inside her soul. She still enjoys life and her heart sings when she is surrounded by friends and loved ones. From the mind to the heart and soul can be an infinite distance, yet she has strived, and succeeded, to fill that gap through her personal search for truth and meaning.

My footprints have taken me to pathways that have taught me that if I ignited my true potential, I could reveal the victorious side of my journey.....

Thought for the day:
My personal victory ultimately boils down to truly knowing myself - the good, the bad, and even the ugly - and then consistently working strategically and honestly on becoming a better version of myself. It also involves developing a healthy relationship with my future self that enables me to be comfortable with my choices and decisions.

Happiness is not something that is ready made but is reachable through our own actions.....

Happiness Grows Within Us

She was not one who had ever believed that she could, or would be happy all the time, but she had, over time, learned that she could be happy much of the time. Her happiness, though, needed to be of her own making - not something that depended on how her day was going or how others were treating her - but on how she lived her life on a regular basis. 

Reflecting back on the stages of her life journey she recalled being unhappy a lot of her days. It wasn't because she hated her life or the people in it - in fact she had great children, and other family members and friends who filled her life, but she realized it was because she was unhappy with herself - and that continually caused her growing problems - such as unhappiness with her job, health issues, much stress and more. And she had felt that she wasn't capable of changing any of it.

Then one day, in a state of emotional despair, she sat down and made a list - again. She, like her mother, was a compulsive list maker  - it had become one of her favorite habits - but this list, this particular day, seemed to have a magical power. It was a basic list of things that she was grateful for - a list she had made many times before but one that, this time, became powerful.  Amazingly, there were a lot of items on the list from things about her children, partner, relatives, and friends, to things about her job, about nature around her - about her life in general. The list was magical because she went from feeling depressed about everything, and hopeless and helpless, to actually being happier. Her mindset shifted from the things she didn't like or didn't have to the things she was really happy she did have. This was not the first time that she had done this, but this was the first time that she felt that she was finally in control.

Since that particular list making day, she has experimented with a number of habits and has found some definite truths: that a handful of activities can actually make her happy; that if she incorporates them  into her life on a regular basis she can be happy regularly; and that even though those might seem like small realizations, they actually are huge.

There are a number of habits that she found helpful - fundamental habits - mindfulness, eating healthy, exercising in some fashion, socializing with others, helping others, and expressing gratitude in whatever way, and whenever possible. She learned to actively include these habits into her daily routine, one at a time, starting as small as possible, with some social accountability. When she set these habits in motion, on a  regular basis, she noticed herself becoming more present, more grateful and more other-focused. The shift that resulted was nothing short of amazing - a life lesson that reminded her, again, that her happiness was not something ready made but something that came from her own actions.

It reminded her, also, that she must be always cognizant of the inner conversations that she carries on with herself, as she had learned along the paths of her journey through life that she is what she says to herself. She now constantly tells herself that she IS good enough. She used to be afraid to do things because she was afraid she was not good enough, afraid that she would fail, afraid that she would be criticised and judged. But she IS good enough, she needn't be afraid of new things, needn't be afraid to fail, and doesn't need the approval of others. She is pre-approved by herself. All she needs to be happy is within herself. She does not need to seek outside gratification. The tools for her happiness are right inside of her - mindfulness, gratitude, compassion, empathy, thoughtfulness, the ability to create and do something meaningful, even if only in a small way. 

She has learned well from her life experiences - and she has had some amazing teachers throughout her journey - her friends, her peers, her mother, father, siblings, grandparents,  aunts, uncles, partner, and children and grandchildren. And of course failure - the greatest teacher of all. Teachers are everywhere, and she had been very willing to learn - a little learned everyday, negative or positive - had added up immensely over time. She is now comfortable with discomfort and that has greatly changed her life - the things that stressed her don't matter anymore - as, in the larger perspective, will they really matter in five years time? She now takes the time to savor life - not just the usual pleasures, but everything and everyone - the stranger she passes on her morning walk, the sun on her face, the quiet of the morning as the birds chirp outside her window, time with a loved one, and time alone. She is no longer afraid to make mistakes - and is okay with the ones she has made and no longer lets them affect her confidence. She has learned to be good at change as change has been the one constant in her life. She can now let go with a flexible mind. Most importantly, she no longer needs anyone else to make her happy or to validate her. Having loved ones and friends in her life is wonderful but she knows now that she is all she really needs.

She can now live with an open heart and her life can be amazing if she doesn't shut it out. She is willing to take the wounds that come with this open heart as she experiences the best of life. Love is her rule - love, family (biological or otherwise), friends and brothers and sisters in humanity are where her happiness forms and where happiness will continue to grow within her.

What each of us says and does truly matters.....

More Random Thoughts

I have learned that:

When something bad happens I have three choices to make - I can let it define me, let it destroy me or let it strengthen me.....

Sometimes people have tried to expose what is wrong with me because they can't handle what is right with me.....

It is all right to not know all the answers - they will come to me when I least expect them to.....

I don't own all the problems in my world.....

Now that I am truly comfortable in my own skin not everyone likes me - but I can be comfortable with that....

It is pointless to try to explain myself to anyone because the people who care about me don't need an explanation and the people who dislike me won't believe the explanation anyway....

Sometimes I need someone to simply be there - not to say anything or to fix anything, but just to let me know that they care....

I can forgive those who have insulted me, attacked me, condemned me, belittled me or taken me for granted. But more than that I can forgive myself for allowing them to hurt me.....

I am stronger because I have had to be, I am smarter because of my mistakes, I am happier because I have overcome the sadness I have experienced, and I am wiser because I have learned well from my roots..... 

Connecting Roots

Roots - a word that symbolizes life and strength. The roots of a tree are a source of moisture and minerals and they provide a stabilizing factor which prevent a tree from succumbing to the elements. For humans, our roots are deeply embedded in our family (biological or otherwise) and our friends, particularly those who have known us most of our lives. They provide nourishment. They anchor us. They feed our souls.

There are retrospective occasions which urge us to stop and reflect, to return to our roots where hazy memories become clear and pulsate with life, when simple acts of long ago seem to take on a greater meaning and relevance today. Whether or not we appreciated those moments makes no difference as long as we take the time to reflect on them now.  It is never too late. Then there are times in our lives when we need to leave the past behind and move forward.

Either way, like the branches of a tree, we must sway and bend with the wind, for our roots are strong and intertwined forever.

Sometimes you find  yourself in the middle of nowhere and sometimes in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.....

Life Changing Moments

We all have areas in our lives that need improvement - whether it's our jobs, our relationships, our fitness or our overall mental and emotional state. Although making changes in any of these areas seems like a huge undertaking, the change can start with our making goals and taking the first step on our self-improvement journey, one moment at a time. 

We all face problems - everyday: procrastination, anxiety, frustration, irritation, worry, anger, fear of failure, rejection, dysfunctional relationships, not wanting to do something, wishing other people were different, wishing we were not so fat or so thin, rushing from one task to another, hating our jobs, angry at being controlled, stressed about money, not knowing how to fix things, loneliness, wanting to find the perfect partner, uncertain about our choices.  These problems are all very real but our minds actually keep us  aware of them, continually crafting them, over and over, in our heads. They are kept active as they are fed by some ideal/fantasy/expectation we have of how we wished our world to be, or how we hope it will be, but fear it won't be.

My journey has taught me that the key to dealing with these problems is in 'the moment'. I have found that I must let all of it go - just for a moment - and pay attention only to the physical things around me - the light, the sounds, things moving or inert - everything around me. I must not judge them against what I think they should be, but just observe what they actually are and thereby see the moment as it is - a moment without all the things I am worried, frustrated or angry about. And then I can deal with making the needed changes in my life - a mindful meditation. 

It was not always easy to do and that is, in part, due to the 'voice' that lived within me - the 'voice' that kept telling me that it was okay: okay to eat another pastry of greasy french fry because, after all, life at this stage of my existence should be more pleasurable; okay to skip my exercise or aquafit class because exercise is uncomfortable and not fun and life is too short for misery. It was the same 'voice' that caused me to procrastinate when I was facing a difficult task or caused me to stop my mindfulness hour each day, or stopped me from learning something new, or attempting to write another book or article because I'd rather be doing something easier. It was the 'voice' that kept me from leaving a job I hated because I was afraid of failure and the unknown. It was the 'voice' that told me to give up when things were hard. It was the 'voice' that tried to keep me from extending an olive branch to mend broken family relationships because I knew what the outcome would be. It was the 'voice' that tried to keep me from being alone with myself because that, too, could be scary and lonely. Most of us do not like things that are uncomfortable or scary - we do like things that are comfortable, safe and pleasurable.

This 'voice' wasn't really me, but was actually the little 'child' inside me - it was the younger version of me - it was the 'child' that I was when I learned all of my thinking habits. But I am not that 'child' and no longer allow the 'voice' to run my life. I have learned to become aware, to turn off the voice telling me what to do or not do. I no longer listen, I no longer obey, and I no longer believe its rationalizations.

To make positive and life-lasting changes, we all have to send away the 'voice' - the 'child' that holds us back. Through the ensuing mindfulness and awareness we can endure difficulty, we can learn to be okay with our discomfort, and we can face our fears. We can change our habits and we can make lasting changes in our lives - one moment at a time.   

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body .....

Words Rule My World

Words are my world and reading is my quiet time away from the din and the busyness of the everyday world. It also offers me a way to explore my world in new and imaginative ways. Reading is mind expanding and, for me, there is nothing quite like it.

I get lost in a book - in worlds wholly created by an author, often imagined but containing truths about life, incisively commenting about life, reproducing it in different ways, putting me in the mind of another human being, capturing my heart and soul through stories, be they fact or fiction.  I can get caught up in the words - in the thrill of falling in love or in the dull pain and numbness of divorce. I can rejoice in the happiness of the birth of a child. I can experience the power of flight or the magic of magic. I can taste a succulent pot roast as it simmers in the oven. I can feel the powerful hurt of fractured families and relationships, and confessions made about guilty deeds and crimes and affairs. I can be taken into richly re-imagined periods of history. I can time travel into a new or old life and feel how other people live in slavery, poverty, squalor, power or luxury. Words can make the mundane seem magical and the magical seem possible. 

Words and images are powerful elements in my life. Oftentimes I have taken them for granted, but through constant reading I am continually aware of how important words are and how I am fortunate to have the passion and opportunity to write - to use words and to appreciate them.

Reading has made me more empathetic, and that is a good thing in anyone's world. It has also helped me to learn to sit still for longer times, without distractions - in the quiet morning hours, in the middle of a stressful day, on a train or a bus or a plane, or before sleep at night I can quietly slip away and let the words, and the thoughts they produce, rule my world  

The truth flows from the pen and those who read it, know it.....

Writing Lessons

Writing has been an incredible tool for learning about myself. I've written many words and I've made a lot of mistakes along the paths of my life journey. I have failed a lot but I have also learned much in the process, and in that process I have become more adept at being an effective writer and an effective communicator and thinker. 

I choose to write this blog because I have found that it is a good way to reach a particular audience, a good way to practice my writing on a daily basis (hopefully), a good way to reflect on what I have been learning, a good way to share with others so that they may learn and/or benefit, and mostly, a good way to continually learn about myself.

It has been said that most of us who like to write are insecure people and perhaps that is the thought as that would be an obvious byproduct of putting our souls out for criticism and judgment. But to be ever fearful of other's negative thoughts would be a waste of my time and energy, and it certainly would do me no good as a writer. What is good for me is to move away from all such negativity and I do this through mindfulness and by constantly reading - I read books and magazines and other blogs - and reading the words of other authors gives me inspiration. Reading hands me ideas, and shows me better ways to write, all the while giving me free access to the best teachers in the craft of writing.

Writing has changed my life in both obvious and unseen ways - I am now a published book author - but when I publish a post on this blog I can, and do, continually hope that my post will be of use to someone. The responses I have received have often been incredible - readers have told me how much one of my stories has changed their journey and that to me, is awesome - an experience like no other. When I put something out into the 'public' I have no idea what kind of impact it might have on others - it might not do anything - but it could have a profound effect in someone's life. This, to me, is truly powerful and a very good reason to 'keep on blogging'.....    

In every moment of time, all of the time is there.....

Thought for the day:
Follow my heart
Listen to my inner voice
Go everywhere my spirit guides me

The words on the page are the body - the thoughts behind them are the soul.....

Thought for the day:
Speak good words, kind words, words of wisdom, words of encouragement and, like gentle rain upon a dormant field, eventually they will coax the seeds beneath the soil to life.....

Life's lessons have taught her that she need not waste anymore time worrying about what others say behind her back as they are the people who are finding faults in her life instead of fixing the faults in their own.....

Truths, Realities And Judgments

By Beverlee Blampied (C)

To those who judge:

You point fingers and spew accusations

Running your mouth 

Saying whatever you want
But who are you to judge them
For the things you wrongly believe they do
When you don't even bother
To find out for certain
What exactly is or isn't true
Who are you to judge them
Selfishly thinking you know
Better than anyone else
Who are you to judge them
Reprimanding and correcting them
Because their thoughts and opinions
Are not your own
Who are you to judge them
Because they dare to express themselves
Differently than you
What you forget is that
Your flaws don't always hide either
SO -
Do not speak to them of reputation
Do not speak to them of morals
Do not speak to them through your bubbles of perfectionism
And self-righteousness
Come down from your platform
That you have the need to stand on
Stop hurting others with your holier-than-thou attitude
They will not let you hurt them anymore
They are over what you have done to them 
With your judgments
They are their own judge
And
They are honest
They are happy
They are free

Some people will only love you as long as you fit into their box.....

The Value Of  A Moment

We can never know the true value of a moment until it has passed - and, in some cases, hopefully even become a forever memory. This was never more clear to me than when I was leafing through a magazine that I had received in the mail last week.

As I skimmed through some articles I was reminded that no matter how important or how inconsequential the information presented, there is always something to learn from the words shared by the writer as, in some small or large way, particular words can relay a message that fits into some corner of our existence.

My "aha" moment, however, came when I turned a page and discovered an article titled "Twenty Questions We, As Women, Should Ask Ourselves". As I read the questions and the authors' responses I quickly realized that the thoughts and words were so very familiar; in fact, in some cases they were almost identical to the thoughts and words that I had shared on this blog, through my stories and poems.

I have gained much knowledge along the paths of my life journey and have felt, and continually feel the need to share this knowledge with others in the hope that my words, based on my life experiences and those of others who share my path can be of help to those who are also seeking inspiration and hope.

What do I really want? Am I strong enough? Have I guided myself with empathy and understanding? Do I offer unconditional love? Do I know how to say no? Am I a people pleaser? Do I want children? What am I afraid of? What's my next move? What am I doing that's working? Do I examine my life enough? Are my relationships healthy? Have I been a good sibling? What do I know for sure? Have I forgiven myself for mistakes I have made? Have I been able to forgive others for mistakes they made in my life? Do I care too much about what other's think of me? Can a broken family be repaired?  Am I a good mother or mother-in-law? Do my children and grandchildren know how much I have loved them? Have I lived well with compassion and empathy? How do I want to be remembered? Asking these questions - and many more - changes our reality and exploring the ways to answer them help to push us up toward new realities, reveal our deepest truths, and lead us down the path to a better life. 

Our need to understand ourselves and to be deeply understood by others is a human characteristic. We all want to be appreciated and recognized and respected for who we are and what we have experienced. Through writing my blog entries I have continually learned more about myself and I have offered my answers to these soul-searching questions that we have all asked ourselves throughout different and difficult passages in our lives. Through the telling of a story, be it my story or a story built on experience - factual or fictional - I have been able to show a reader another way to approach - or not approach - a situation and, in turn, a reader can learn and gain insight and hopefully find a way to move from their darkness into light. Written spiritual adventures can offer guidance; words can transcend someone's ego to a higher form of consciousness and open life to joy and peace; someone else's story can be the starting point for growth as they discover how to live in the now - to not linger on past mistakes but to learn from them and then let go.  My stories and poems are my footprints of life -  my perceptions and my answers - no one else's.  They are unique to me but by reading them - the fictional and the factual - a reader will be able to glean some awareness that we all travel along difficult paths, but through soul-searching and hard work we will, if mindful of our choices, find light at the end of our emotional tunnels.

The sharing of my life experiences and my inner-most self-evaluations is not an expose but rather, for me, a healthy healing process. The words I have shared with others, be it via my blog or my books, are invariably going to  be read by 'strangers' but these strangers are free to value or devalue their meaning, just as are those who are part of my life journey, and those who read any of the million magazine articles or books written by a multitude of authors. My words are not coming from a place of professional expertise but are from my heart and my soul and most astute readers will be able to discern the value of my message and not consider the sharing of my life experiences, through my words, be they in the form of fact or fiction, as  exhibitionism. Fear hides our inner light but when we can accept our weaknesses, we can connect with who we are really meant to be. To rid ourselves of fear and attain true inner freedom, we must objectively watch over our problems instead of getting lost in them. This I have done through the writing and sharing of my words, and the sharing is the point at which my growth takes place.

Only when we feel comfortable with our own choices and accept our own imperfections will we be in a good space and able to accept that each of us is unique and each of us have our own moments to live through and examine in our own way. Sometimes, however, our differences may be falsely criticized or condemned by others who take refuge in the thought that they know better than everyone else and find it really satisfying to be able to point out that others have failed and/or really messed up according to their own personal scales. What should be kept in mind, though, is that judgement kills empathy and empathy is what actually fuels trust and intimacy which, in turn, allow us an environment in which we can grow and in which each of our moments are valuable.

Nothing has more power than the word and through my prose and poetry - through the asking and answering of questions - my words can ripple far beyond me to affect, in some way, anyone who chooses to read my work and indirectly share my journey. My words are a carrier of myself and my energy - they are a symbol of communication and the tools which can empower and open new doors for any or all who choose to read them. Spoken aloud, or in the privacy of my mind, or on the published page they embody my intentions and form the framework of who I am, as I continue to place my footprints along the paths of this ever complex journey called life.   

Our mission in life is not to create a storm but is instead to be a port in the storm......

A Life Of Words

It has been said that when negative situations happen in our life it is not life punishing us but is life pushing us to wake up - everything happens for a reason and we need to prevail in every situation.

As we place our footprints along the paths of our life journey we will inevitably meet a fork in the road and we must make a choice as to which path to travel.  This choice awakens us to the reality of what has become of our life, each and every time leaving us with the choice to either mend the past, or, if necessary, to redirect our path to a more favorable one, or continue down the same path, destined to be led by the random wind, whose destination is never predictable. But, if  mindful, we will always be given an opportunity to find balance and we need to act on that opportunity. With the courage to move forward in life and not give up in the face of obstacles, we can look ahead positively all the while continuing to find our way.

We all dream and every once in a while we have the audacity to follow those dreams. We all have powerful potential that often lies dormant within our deepest aspirations. My dream has always been my desire to write.

I have learned along the paths of my life journey that the best way for me to learn something and to truly internalize it is to help share with others the knowledge that I have been trying to make my own - thus, the decision to put pen to paper and publish this blog in October, 2012.  Through life's lessons I have discovered that I have certain strengths and weaknesses, and my aim in writing this blog is to strengthen my weaknesses by sharing my continually gained knowledge, through prose and poetry, both intertwined with fact and fiction, and thereby hopefully being of help to others who may be facing the same fork in the road.  As of today, approximately one year and four months later,  I have had 10,121 readers from all parts of the globe and it is my sincere hope that my blog entries have offered, and will continue to offer inspiration and hope - the comments I have received certainly attest to some success. 

I have experienced some life-altering challenges and changes during the writing of this blog, some positive and some negative. I have found also that every dream comes with its unique struggles - no dream comes through without adversity and hurdles. But, most importantly, through sharing my words with others - words based on genuine experiences and hard-learned insights - I have finally found 'me' and my footprints of life will carry on - they are my life tapestry and memoirs for my family. I have learned and been inspired, and can now share my words and offer a port in the storm, if necessary, to whomever chooses to read my blog.     

A wise person is one who knows how to learn the truth of every person and recognizes the truth in every situation.....

Navigating Through Family 

We all have the need to be deeply understood – it is a human characteristic.  We all want to be appreciated, recognized and respected for who we are and what we experience. The quality of being known is a powerful healing force.

Our family should be where we are able to receive this understanding. They should be our safety net – a group of people we can count on for support because of our shared history and connection. Family is very important as it shapes our development and personality. In an ideal world it should protect our dignity and take care of our well being. Family can also give us teachings that guide us through all our life and these, then, are the values that we carry everywhere we go. Ideally, our family should come to our aid during hard times. Unfortunately, however, it is a common misconception that a family will always offer unconditional love and understanding. In many cases, and for a variety of reasons, there is a friction in family relationships. In an ideal world, this friction should be an opportunity to realize our differences and accept that although we can never fully understand each other, nevertheless we can still accept and love each other.

The closeness, distance, toxicity or indifference of a person’s family is at the foundation of their world. Every person develops some part of themselves in relation to their family – inevitable – as we as humans are dependent and crave personal connection. Ideally, within the family structure, we should be utterly free to express our emotions without guilt and we should be able to give care and empathy to each other by offering emotional support, hugs and tears.

Each family member is unique and each member deals with their life and their life experiences in their own way and each person’s uniqueness needs to be recognized – not criticized, devalued or constantly corrected. However, unless empathy towards each other is practiced, relationships with our family members can become toxic, and mean behavior, negative attitudes, misjudgments, egos, pride, greed, and jealousies will erupt and mask realities. Each family member, ideally, should be able to allow each other the freedom to express themselves, as long as it is not emotionally or physically harmful, and, by showing empathy each member can care for another by being sensitive to their situations and thereby offering them compassion, which, in turn, offers comfort and solace for all types of suffering, traumatic experiences, and emotional wounds. There might not be a better alternative to someone’s situation, perceived or otherwise, but a loved one’s listening and understanding may be just what is needed.

When a family member reaches out to another member of the family it is more than likely in the hope that, as an individual, they will be given the opportunity to share their opinions, thoughts and needs. Conversing with another, be it in the form of verbal communication or the written word, can be misinterpreted and misjudged as the listening party, or the reader, is not in an identical emotional space and might not always listen or read with understanding. This can present a built-up pressure where the flood-gates will eventually open up, as restrained emotions need a release and when that release comes empathy is necessary or relationships will crack and/or completely break apart. A ‘listener’ should allow the upset family member to open up those locked gates and let the water gush out. Allowing and accepting this ‘venting’ process will help the water to level off and to begin to flow again, evenly, back and forth.

The right 'listener' and their words/responses can carry the family member through their ‘trials’ and can help to lighten their burden, be that burden perceived as legitimate, of not, by the ‘listener’. Whenever overwhelmed by a particular situation, the family member can then remind themselves of the lesson learned and the advice received. But, for this to happen successfully, a ‘listener’ needs to listen in total concentration and acknowledge what the family member was experiencing, from his/her frame of reference, not from what the 'listener' perceives to be the situation. The upset family member does not want to have their concerns dismissed but wants to feel connected to the 'listener' – and that they are truly allowed to fully express their frustrations without any judgment of condemnation. And, only after identifying with the upset family member should the 'listener' then venture to suggest a perspective that might help to broaden the family member’s own perspective, allowing them to see beyond their difficulty to a more enriched outlook that might give them some comfort and some direction.

Sometimes, when unconditional love and acceptance is not offered by those with whom there is a shared biology, a person will perhaps finally lose their trust, Trust that is lost is very difficult, if not impossible, to recover. Broken trust and broken family ties can not always be repaired and those who have been hurt and rejected too many times, when they have humbled themselves and put out an olive branch and then, in return, receive only judgment and criticism, finally give up on the ideal concept of family. They can continue to feel love out of sentiment that their family is their family, but it doesn’t mean that they must become a martyr for them or continue to subject themselves to constant mistreatment, negative consequences, and punishment just because they share blood ties. What can lead to continual angst is the holding on to faulty expectations that their family will someday be filled with acceptance and understanding.

Learning to accept the truth is very difficult but often the only way one can finally achieve a balance within a difficult, toxic family situation. One must finally accept, no matter how difficult it is to do so, that ‘it is what it is’ and then choose to move on.  One must realize that some people, if the family dynamics do not change,  are just not meant to share their path – are not meant to share their life any longer – and then step away from the emotional pain of a difficult and hurtful family relationship. Every human life is made up of the light and the dark, the happy and the sad. Our lives are filled with emotional tunnels and we can only hope that, ideally, we can travel these tunnels together, as family. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

Our birth is not an accident - each and every one of us matters and each and every one of us has a specific 'mission' to fulfill in this world.....

Happy Birthday To Me

Today is my birthday - another year has passed and I again look back on my failures and my successes, and think about my goals for my future, however long that future may be, as I now enter my 69th year.

Where have all the years gone - the calendar of my life seems to have turned so swiftly. Not that long ago - only yesterday - I was fifty - a half century old! And now, in the blink of an eye, I am  a woman of senior years, with silver hair, and crows feet and wrinkles portraying the tales of my life journey.  I am now a woman 'of age' reflecting upon my 'golden' years with nostalgia and some sombre tears.

Like a streaming movie, one more year has gone by and as the sun rose today on my 68th birthday I decided that it is no longer necessary to count the years, as, at this stage of my life, age really doesn't mean anything specific anymore. It is time, instead, to turn over the page on this annual gauge. It is time to use this and future birthdays as an opportunity to celebrate my life and my life accomplishments. It is time to be joyful for the chance to share the dance of my remaining journey with those who have chosen to travel by my side as I place more footprints along new paths.

Today, March 1, 2014, is, indeed, a special day - a birthday of importance - as now, with life's obligations, duties, rules, must do's, should do's and have to do's behind me, I am finally free to be me. I am free to live my life, fulfill my mission, in the way and the manner that I choose, working in my own way, according to the 'need' that is in me.