Happiness Grows Within Us
She was not one who had ever believed that she could, or would be happy all the time, but she had, over time, learned that she could be happy much of the time. Her happiness, though, needed to be of her own making - not something that depended on how her day was going or how others were treating her - but on how she lived her life on a regular basis.
Reflecting back on the stages of her life journey she recalled being unhappy a lot of her days. It wasn't because she hated her life or the people in it - in fact she had great children, and other family members and friends who filled her life, but she realized it was because she was unhappy with herself - and that continually caused her growing problems - such as unhappiness with her job, health issues, much stress and more. And she had felt that she wasn't capable of changing any of it.
Then one day, in a state of emotional despair, she sat down and made a list - again. She, like her mother, was a compulsive list maker - it had become one of her favorite habits - but this list, this particular day, seemed to have a magical power. It was a basic list of things that she was grateful for - a list she had made many times before but one that, this time, became powerful. Amazingly, there were a lot of items on the list from things about her children, partner, relatives, and friends, to things about her job, about nature around her - about her life in general. The list was magical because she went from feeling depressed about everything, and hopeless and helpless, to actually being happier. Her mindset shifted from the things she didn't like or didn't have to the things she was really happy she did have. This was not the first time that she had done this, but this was the first time that she felt that she was finally in control.
Since that particular list making day, she has experimented with a number of habits and has found some definite truths: that a handful of activities can actually make her happy; that if she incorporates them into her life on a regular basis she can be happy regularly; and that even though those might seem like small realizations, they actually are huge.
There are a number of habits that she found helpful - fundamental habits - mindfulness, eating healthy, exercising in some fashion, socializing with others, helping others, and expressing gratitude in whatever way, and whenever possible. She learned to actively include these habits into her daily routine, one at a time, starting as small as possible, with some social accountability. When she set these habits in motion, on a regular basis, she noticed herself becoming more present, more grateful and more other-focused. The shift that resulted was nothing short of amazing - a life lesson that reminded her, again, that her happiness was not something ready made but something that came from her own actions.
It reminded her, also, that she must be always cognizant of the inner conversations that she carries on with herself, as she had learned along the paths of her journey through life that she is what she says to herself. She now constantly tells herself that she IS good enough. She used to be afraid to do things because she was afraid she was not good enough, afraid that she would fail, afraid that she would be criticised and judged. But she IS good enough, she needn't be afraid of new things, needn't be afraid to fail, and doesn't need the approval of others. She is pre-approved by herself. All she needs to be happy is within herself. She does not need to seek outside gratification. The tools for her happiness are right inside of her - mindfulness, gratitude, compassion, empathy, thoughtfulness, the ability to create and do something meaningful, even if only in a small way.
She has learned well from her life experiences - and she has had some amazing teachers throughout her journey - her friends, her peers, her mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, partner, and children and grandchildren. And of course failure - the greatest teacher of all. Teachers are everywhere, and she had been very willing to learn - a little learned everyday, negative or positive - had added up immensely over time. She is now comfortable with discomfort and that has greatly changed her life - the things that stressed her don't matter anymore - as, in the larger perspective, will they really matter in five years time? She now takes the time to savor life - not just the usual pleasures, but everything and everyone - the stranger she passes on her morning walk, the sun on her face, the quiet of the morning as the birds chirp outside her window, time with a loved one, and time alone. She is no longer afraid to make mistakes - and is okay with the ones she has made and no longer lets them affect her confidence. She has learned to be good at change as change has been the one constant in her life. She can now let go with a flexible mind. Most importantly, she no longer needs anyone else to make her happy or to validate her. Having loved ones and friends in her life is wonderful but she knows now that she is all she really needs.
She can now live with an open heart and her life can be amazing if she doesn't shut it out. She is willing to take the wounds that come with this open heart as she experiences the best of life. Love is her rule - love, family (biological or otherwise), friends and brothers and sisters in humanity are where her happiness forms and where happiness will continue to grow within her.
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