Words have meaning whether or not we mean them......

Randomly Speaking.....

Words are the symbol of my communication

Words define who I am and can color my personal life and ripple far beyond me to effect everything and everybody with whom I choose to share my life journey

Words may be everywhere but they are anything but cheap - the cost of using my words  unwisely can bring me negative consequences

If I make a habit of thinking before I speak, I will become a more sensitive human being

Being careful about the words I choose to say or write will reinforce the idea that what I say or write has meaning

My words reflect who I am so if I make a verbal promise it becomes a moral obligation and I must do everything in my power to not  go back on my word

I must be careful about how I use my words as words create new realities and my words are the camera that determines my reality 

Nothing has as much power as the word - everything I say can have the power to be positive or negative, to heal or harm, to construct or destruct. Words spoken by me, or to me, can be tools which can empower and open new doors, or, if used unwisely, can take  confidence away and/or create a fear of the unknown

Words  are a carrier of myself and my energy, and spoken aloud, or in the privacy of my mind, they embody my intentions and form the framework of who I am

Keeping my word builds trust, trust gives me security, and that security will help me to build   healthy and happy relationships with those with whom I share my footprints

It is important along our life journey to know how to learn the truth from every person and to choose the truth of each word that they speak.....

Personal Ethics

Whatever I do in my life, whoever I may be, and whatever my goals in life are, it is important for me to always keep uppermost in my mind that if I don't stand for something I can easily fall for anything and if I am not sure where I am headed I will more than likely get lost along the paths of my life journey.

Each of us as individuals have a great impact on the people with whom we share our path - we affect people at home, and we influence people in our workplace, and people with whom we interact on our daily journey, as no man is an island. A sad reality is that often, instead of following a self-imposed ethic standard by which we would like to live, many of us will compromise what we believe or feel to be right in order to 'gain' and this can lead us into troublesome situations and problem relationships.

I have become aware, through life's lessons over the years, that if I compromised my personal ethics - my decisions and self-set standards - I ended up losing in the process. I have since learned that I must set what I would like to be known for, identifying myself in such a way that others will also know what I stand for , and once I have done that, I will be in a circle of people that I both want and need to share my journey.

  

The mind exists in its own place....

Mind Over Mood

We are all different as human beings, but along her life journey she has learned that we can be different ourselves, at different times, depending on the frame of mind we are in. Her mood can affect how she perceives things and what opinions she might have about many things such as a movie, a meal, a conversation or even a significant person with whom she shares her life. From one day to the next, she can feel a certain way about life in general, go to bed and wake up the next day having a totally different outlook or point-of-view. She has learned that there are circumstances that can change her minds process and even the weather (Seasonal Effectiveness Disorder) can affect how she reacts to things as well, so she now practices reacting more slowly and giving more time to let a situation sink in and consider it more thoroughly before saying what she truly feels.

The problem is, when dealing with life-changing situations - if she lacked a sense of hopefulness and allowed herself to be affected by her current mood - it would cause her to make major mistakes, and so, in order to meet life honestly, it was all important to her to take charge of her feelings and emotions and thereby have the ability to see things  as they really were and not just from the perspective of her current mood.

She often used to upset herself as she had developed the habit of viewing situations in her life in a negative and unreasonable manner and so lived in a world of black and white thinking - maximizing the negatives and discounting the positives. She overgeneralized and over estimated the likelihood of negative outcomes. This use of unhealthy self-talk had often left her anxious and depressed. To not let this continue to happen, she has learned to 'check her mood' and has made herself aware that she needs to ever be mindful of what triggers her actions and reactions.

Awareness exists by our natural ability to distinguish and therefore it is an absolute fact above all subjectivity of what right and wrong can be. But once she became aware, she needed to develop skills that altered her mind patterns and she now does not shut down her sad or negative feelings, does not ignore them and hide from them, but has opened the door and welcomed them. Anger, grief, jealousy, resentment, frustration, loneliness, sadness, despair and all other uncomfortable emotions visit us because it is in our best interest that they do - they come knocking at our door because they bear a message and she has learned over time that she needed to stop feeling afraid of them or afraid of herself when she experienced these emotions. She needed to be mindful that when the worst happened in her life, it was not life punishing her - it was instead, life pushing her  to wake up, to see that these difficult-to-feel feelings had come to reveal her own strength and wisdom, her faith and depth of vision for the present and for the future.

She is now acutely aware that no matter how down she can get in her life, she will always be given an opportunity to find a balance, as there is always good in everything - there is no light without darkness and no good without bad. She now knows that she can learn from her mind patterns - she can practice 'mind over mood' and learn that she is strong, ready, willing and able, and has it in her to be complete and to inspire herself and others with her own unique footprints.

Family is the one unit that multiplies by dividing.....

Equal Creations

Being a mother-in-law didn't come with instructions - it was something that crept up on her but the warning signs had begun when her son was in diapers - he was going to grow up, leave home, get married and the next thing she knew she would be a mother-in-law and she knew what that meant: she could possibly be pushed aside by a woman who resented her role in her son's life. 

As a mother, she had rocked her son as a baby, kissed his 'ouchies' when he got hurt, taught him his manners, helped him with his homework projects, been his personal chef, nurse, counsellor, housekeeper, chauffeur, even tied his skates in the hockey arena dressing room. But all of a sudden her little boy was all grown up and had another woman in his life - her daughter-in-law. At best her daughter-in-law would tolerate her. At worst.....well, she had heard all the negative stories and issues that come with being a mother-in-law - some daughter-in-law relationships are wonderful but others, not so much.

A mother's love hopefully makes a son strong as well as balanced in his life - it is his mother who teaches him where to think with his heart, and who he is, and so the most delicate aspect of a mother and son relationship comes when another woman steps into the picture, and she, as his mother, would now have to share his affections with someone else who was as important in her son's life as she was.

Not ever wanting to live up to the nefarious reputation of a  mother-in-law - the persona of the stereotypical woman portrayed with an intrusive and critical nature - she  became very determined to play a positive role in the dynamics of her son's marriage. But what exactly was she, as a mother-in-law,  supposed to do that would be portrayed as positive?

First and foremost, she knew that now was the time to relinquish the care of her son to someone else and so she accepted, deep in her heart, that she no longer would play a starring role in her son's life. Because she acknowledged that someone else had taken her part, it was an easier transition than it would have been had she clung to her old position and   thereby be seen as a threat. She found it hard to turn off the 'mommy faucet', but knew that it was critical to do so. She also always kept in mind that her daughter-in-law was not her child, but was a new person coming into their lives and so she recognized her daughter-in-law's position  and accepted her and, better yet, learned to love her by focusing on all her qualities even if she sometimes disagreed with her choices. She learned to recognize, as well, that her daughter-in-law has unique gifts and talents which are not necessarily the same as hers, and also has unique weaknesses and stresses/struggles, as well, which are not the same as hers, and so she is determined to always be tolerant of these personal differences. Sometimes, if circumstances have not permitted a deep and meaningful relationship, she simply proceeds with love and kindness, knowing that people respond and act from a variety of determinants, including childhood experiences, personality, and personal decisions. Setting boundaries has sometimes been necessary for her self-protection, as in any relationship, but she always communicates in love and kindness and knows that as relationships grow, boundaries will continually change. She touches and hugs her daughter-in-law and says and does whatever her heart leads her to do. She treats her like her own daughter, hoping that this will help them both bond more strongly and establish a loving, lasting relationship. 

She tries to always be tolerant in their interactions, even when there are differences of opinion and/or friction of some sort or another. As it is essential to her that family ties must not be severed due to any differences she practices tolerance and patience and when she sometimes sees 'trouble in paradise' she realizes that it is not her place to give advice, so does not bring it to light and risk the future of her relationship with her daughter-in-law. She has learned that the relationship between her and her daughter-in-law can be prone to hurt feelings and power struggles and so constantly reminds herself that daughters-in-law need autonomy - they need independence - and, in order to maintain a stable and permanent relationship, she does not impose her will on her daughter-in-law and son. She is no longer insistent on them coming to visit. She has stopped mentioning that their visits are too infrequent. She is now accepting of the fact that she must be content with whatever time they have available for visiting with her - she appreciates and respects their privacy - and where she used to wish that her married children would spend more time with their married siblings, she no longer tries to force it to happen, as it is now up to them to arrange their own time together and build their own relationships, separate of her. She knows that unsolicited advice is not useful and may be taken as a criticism and perhaps heard as threatening her daughter-in-law's position, so she is supportive but not intrusive. She does not pry into their affairs and avoids taking sides should an argument between them arise.

As a mother-in-law, she wants her daughter-in-law to know that they both love her husband and that she will never put her son in a position of choosing between her or his mother. She will never compete for his affections. She has paved the way for him to be a good husband and understands that her daughter-in-law is special to him in a way that no other person can be, and she is truly happy that her daughter-in-law makes her son happy. She wants her to know that her role as his wife is regarded by her as being of the highest importance and the most serious and challenging responsibility that she could have and that, as her mother-in-law, she has her support if she ever needs her. She sincerely hopes that her daughter-in-law and son grow their relationship in patience, kindness, understanding, empathy, and, of course, much love. 

  

She fully realizes that she is very fortunate to have a nice daughter-in-law and she knows that she and her daughter-in-law are simply people with all the same short comings and personality quirks that they had before acquiring their in-law roles. And she has since learned that being a good mother-in-law is easier than she thought - it  just involves much common sense, the right frame of mind, and a lot of sacrificial love.   

As we travel along the paths of our journey, we are offered the beginning of a search for deeper love, purpose, and meaning that truly becomes possible in life's second half.

My Life's Symphony

I have grown as I've walked my journey. Along the bumpy paths and the many highs and lows of life, I have finally learned that I am responsible for my own life and therefore have the right to have my own beliefs, ideas and values, without apology. I can now live in the present moment, free of guilt from the past or worry for the future. I can be aware of and fulfill my own needs  - I can have dreams, goals, and ideals - and I can make them happen.

My spiritual journey has taught me that I now want to be worthy, not just respectable, so I try everyday to think quietly - to study, to learn, and to write. I no longer have to expect immediate results or changes, or  want control - I can wait and life will take its course - and while waiting I am entitled to feel happy, satisfied and can experience inner peace. I can be imperfect, and admit to it, and in that process, allow people to help me, without feeling guilty, unworthy or dependent. While accepting and respecting myself and others, I can set my own priorities about my use of time, money, space and energy, and thereby change, emerge and expand in new directions. I have discovered that I am allowed to relax, to let go, or to 'do' nothing and in that mode I now take the time to listen to the birds, see the stars, and smell the roses. I have learned the importance of talking gently and acting always in truth and in honesty. I can have, and express, all my emotions, and let others know how I want to be treated, and no-one is entitled to take that away from me, and with this freedom I have now learned to take care of my whole being; my mind and my spirit. 

I know that looking after family relationships and true friendships is, for me,  extremely necessary - that I must have healthy, life-enhancing relationships, where clear communication is valued - and that I can make conscious decisions to change these relationships when they are not working well.  I am learning to handle all related issues  cheerfully, and to accept the negatives bravely. I have discovered that the roles we play in each other's lives are only as powerful as the trust between us. Most importantly, I have, through much suffering and soul searching, learned that family isn't always blood - it's the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are; the ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you - no matter what. No matter how hard or difficult my life may be, this true 'family' (be they biological or acquired) holds a sacred trust for me, and can be my soft place to fall, and this is one of the most meaningful aspects of unconditional love. I have also learned that to risk love was the single most important, but most rewarding challenge that I have faced. Through risking it, I have learned that selfless love means rising above my own needs and that two people can walk in different directions but still remain side by side - love is the power that cements and binds - anything less than love is not love at all.  

In summary, I can now let the spiritual part of my life look after my soul -  nothing can be more important, and through life's dark times, times that have been painful, discouraging and challenging, I have been able to discover what my life is really about. Skills and power have emerged from my frustrations and ignorance, and the other half of who I am has come into view. I am more deeply rooted and no longer just dependent on facts and reason. I am now free to make a more realistic impact on my world as my symphony grows ever closer to completion..... 

There is no greater humility than that of being a mother.....

Random Thoughts On Motherhood

To My Children:

I will love you both wherever you are - in happiness and in light; in darkness and in sadness

I will love you both forever and I will always be there for you, to protect you or to guide you in whatever way I can

I have done my best to teach you both to be good and honest people

Despite my mistakes I have always only wanted the best for both of you and I tried, as best I could, to prepare the way for you

No one on earth could keep me from you; I'll stand beside you, no matter what

My love for you both is unconditional and eternal

My love for you both flows directly from my soul

You have both been the very core of my soul, from beautiful babies in my arms to the wonderful adults you have grown to be

My love for you both is branded in our hearts, even when my words to you are not spoken aloud

My love for you both is the tie that binds, and our bonds can never be broken

You are  my children, my world, my hopes, my happiness, my love and for all these things that both of you have given me, and continue to give to me, I have learned through you, and you have opened my heart and made my life complete - you have made me a mother

Along the paths of my journey she was always there to help guide my footprints - there will be no need to replace her as she was and always will be a complete world....

Final Footprints

Saying goodbye in Montreal last week to Charlotte, my dearest friend of forty- one years who has been recently diagnosed with advanced metastatic cancer, was devastating and one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do.

Strange as it may seem, being told of her terminal diagnosis and grim and imminent prognosis was the easy part, dealing now with the final footprints of her life, the hardest. Confronting this very difficult reality with my mind is one thing - accepting it with my heart is an impossibility. The grief that I am experiencing is beyond what can be easily defined. I can sense in my body, and in the fullness of my emotion, a great rupture that will take place in the world I have known - an irrevocable emptiness that will now have to be filled with all my memories. At least nothing can take those away.

Charlotte has been, to me, a gift beyond measure - and she has given me a feeling of peace that I would never have known without her in my life. She has been my 'safe place to fall' with her non-judgmental attitude, sympathetic ear, encouraging words, understanding heart and overwhelming generosity, both emotionally and materially. She has always been there for me and no matter the time lapses and/or the mile distances between us, we have always been able to slip back into that comfortable place where we can talk or laugh or cry for hours, sharing our dreams and heartaches - and the added bonus for me is that, although not biologically related to me, she has been my 'true' sister, and I feel very, very blessed to have been given that privilege.

Death is a major clarifier and walking through this journey with Charlotte, I try daily to give her back a gift from me that she can carry in her soul. My every word with her matters deeply and my thoughts and feelings are expressed with clarity - straightforward and honest - and the smile on my face matches hers as she continues to radiate a calmness and goodness and happiness as she guides me along her final journey - she continues to positively touch the lives of all those whose paths cross hers - all of her family and friends and the multitudes of those who have been on the receiving end of her love and kindness.

My soul is in the midst of a very dark place. Although I am doing my best to keep my emotions under control, I am deeply saddened and feel an immense sense of injustice that such a good person has to face this battle and experience such pain. But Charlotte, through her wisdom and strength is exiting this bumpy road of life without anger or sadness, and she continues to teach me by reminding me that she has loved, has been loved, laughed till tears ran down her face, cried till she thought her heart would break but that she will continue, for whatever time she has left, to look forward to every new sunrise and enjoy each sun down - she has lived a blessed life and is grateful for all the blessings her life has given her.

And so I will put away my tears, rescue them for when she is gone. I have let her know that I wish that I could hold her hand constantly and walk with her through the pain that she is experiencing, and I will continue to tell her, for as long as I can, how very thankful I am that we can still talk with each other as time allows. I will listen eagerly to whatever she needs to share and I will rejoice with her in her every remaining moment. Though our words to each other define us, it is the love we have for each other that connects us - I have loved her deeply and treasure our connection. When the time comes for Charlotte to leave her world behind, as through our entire friendship the distance between us will not be important, for I will always be able to close my eyes and hold her hand - and our souls will continue to unite us, as I truly believe that some spiritual source - even though we are of different spiritual backgrounds - ensured that Charlotte and I would cross paths, sometime, somewhere, sharing our footprints along this complex journey called life.