Is there a value in being nice - or not?.....

Thought for the day:

Is there ever a time to stop being nice? A time to say "No more Ms. Nice Guy for me"? Many times along the paths of my life journey I have had to think about this before responding with a knee jerk reaction to a particular situation, or particular people within the situation.

In my definition, a nice person is someone who cares about others and is sensitive to their feelings - they are selfless, most often seeing beyond their own wishes and putting the needs of others before their own. They are the people I like to be around and they are the people I like to model myself after. 

On the other hand, there are those who assert themselves to ensure that their personal goals are being met, irrespective of the needs, wishes or opinions of others - they guiltlessly step on anyone who gets in the way of their climb up their proverbial 'ladder' . They are people I try to avoid at all costs, but people who nevertheless seem to get what they want out of life.

My thought is - can the two co-exist? Ideally, I need to be accommodating to the perspectives of others. I like to view myself as a considerate person who would willingly give up my seat to a handicapped person, who would generously toss a few coins to the outstretched hand of a homeless indigent, who would support the neighbourhood community projects, who would do whatever I could to help make life the best it can be for those within my 'circle of love'. I make a point of talking politely and criticizing sparingly.  Until...that is, I have a run-in with someone who so blithely takes advantage of me.  Am I being considerate - or a wimp - by being a 'yes man' to someone else's opinions, or by kowtowing to a tyrannical persons quirks?

Life lessons have taught me that there are times when decidedly un-nice behaviour is my best response. To achieve the greater goal, my correct response may be to deal sternly - or arrogantly, or selfishly, or deceitfully - with a person who only understands that negative language. With people who can't see beyond the big circle of their ego, I now ask myself if being nice is the correct approach or would a more stern method ultimately achieve my greater goal? I have learned that the only way to draw the line is in evaluating my motives. I have to ask myself why I need to be nice - do I believe that being nice is the right way to approach life or do I just want to be thought of as a nice person? Do I genuinely believe that I should forfeit my place in the bus line-up to another, or is it my fear of being labelled as ill-mannered? Should I give a rubber stamp approval to a family member or friend even if I don't agree with what they say or what they are doing because I am reluctant to appear disagreeable? Why do I generously offer my time and energy to others - do I want to be considered kind or do I genuinely believe in their cause?

For me, the key to achieving the best outcome, in all interactions, has been in developing an inner strength and in imparting to others - and demonstrating to myself -  the backbone to stand strong, whether that means acting with kindness and sensitivity (which is always my default), or acting with deceitful slyness or gruff sternness to those who, unfortunately, only understand negative language.  As in all interactions, kindness and compassion are necessary when deciding to be nice - or not so nice - but once certain that I'm right in my assessment of a situation, common sense prevails and I allow myself to make my correct choice.

Secrets can't keep.....

Thought for the day:

Along some of the paths of my life journey I encountered people who presented me with situations that were better left unspoken and so secrets were borne. Keeping secrets was intoxicating -  knowing  things that others didn't - having something hidden in my heart that only I knew about. The anticipation of the secret being revealed sometimes even provided a rush like no other. But eventually the secrets bore weight. They stole my breath. They held me in places that I no longer wanted to stand. They made me pick sides. They indebted me, indentured me, enslaved me, and dehumanized me. I became the secrets and the secrets became me and the two things were irreconcilable without the other to the point that I was not sure I was ever without the secrets at all. And I came to believe that I was only ever the secrets that I carried and nothing more - not a very comfortable place to have landed. Through life lessons along my journey, I have learned to eliminate secrets from my life - they have no place in my world. The truth is far more powerful than any secret. The truth, be it believed and/or accepted by others - or not - is all I need to know.....

Secrets and dreams bear weight, they steal your breath, and they hold you rooted in places you no longer want to stand.....

Secrets and Shattered Dreams

One thing her house doesn't have is a man. Not  anymore. She supposes it would be nice to have a man around the house, as the old saying goes. She supposes she should want a 'daddy', for her children, just as she had wanted one for herself. And then there are all the practical things that men seem to excel at such as remembering to have the furnace checked before the cold winter hits; making sure the air conditioner works before the hot, humid weather arrives; fixing the toilet tank when the chain gets unhooked; putting the garbage bins into the garage after pickup. But the truth is, she does have a man. She stills has her ex and he still does all those things for her even all these years later. He's still the children's daddy. He still comes to visit for Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving. And sometimes for no reason at all. And he still gives her wonderful gifts, even when he appears to have no money! 

Some of her friends tell her that they think she is hanging on to this long-over love for him. And it's true that when he walks in the door she feels inordinately happy, despite all the bad history that has gone on between them. He was the man she thought she would never capture - the man who could rescue her from worry and lonliness. She has always been attracted to him and the attraction has never changed. She supposes it should have, knowing now that he cheated on her throughout their marriage. She supposes she should see him now as ugly and evil, but instead she just sees him as flawed, human, older. But more interesting - he has grey sideburns and sun-wrinkles at the edges of his eyes. And a thousand untold secrets behind those eyes.

His secrets were as lavish as his gifts, Their life together was dark and worrisome, and she had been totally clueless. His loving had diminished her. He was always so quick to leave the house in the morning and more often than not, even when he said he would be home right after work, he did not come back till around midnight.  And she questioned the matches from some club that she had discovered in his jacket pocket after his return from a business trip, when he had told her that the meeting had ended early and he spent a lonely evening in his hotel room watching television. She always asked and he always had explanations. Calm, annoyed explanations. She still berates herself for her idiocy in not being able to see it - in not being able to admit to herself that he was, to all intents and purposes, living a dark, rebellious and secret life. But she couldn't see it then as he was her dream come true and she didn't want to wake up.

Despite all of the negative history, she still does not understand how she could spend years of her life with someone and now be expected to hate him. Something special had drawn them together in the first place and they have children together. How can she hate the one person with whom she shares all that is worthwhile? Especially now, ten years after he had moved out, and so much of the tension is gone. She doesn't expect to ever be intimate with him again. And she doesn't care to know with whom he is intimate. Actually, he never seems to have a real relationship with anyone. And they get along better with each other now than do any of her married friends and their spouses. Realistically, though, she has come to the conclusion that, all in all, she should lose interest in marriage as she doubts relationships and can't imagine trusting a man again, certainly not enough to let him see her vulnerable. And so she has consciously chosen to never allow herself to dream again. Marriage is one of those mistakes that she will make only once.....

Along our life journey we should perceive opportunity, grasp opportunity but not misjudge opportunity.....

Thought for the day:

Why do so many people stagnate in their lives while others, at the same time and from similar backgrounds, find their 'fortune'? Is it their fault that 'fortune' passes them by, that there are no opportunities in their lives? Are the others just in the right place at the right time? Or has it something to do with perceiving and grasping opportunity when it shows itself?  Life lessons have made me aware that genuine beginnings begin with us, even when they are brought to our attention by external opportunities. Therefore, as chance favours the prepared mind, we must always be mindful of the opportunities we are offered along our paths.  

If we are mindful of the light, the dark need never be.....

Illumination

It wasn't really late, but it was very dark as she drove home. Very dark. The road was winding. The fog was thick. Within this cloak of darkness, the only things discernible were the short, shining red lights in front of her, and the small white circles from across the median. All the little blotches of red and white kept coming forward, in sync, almost as if they had their own volition. Only up close did it become obvious that these shining lights were actually affixed to vehicles - cars, trucks and vans.

Although deeply concentrating on driving with great care, the irony of the little travelling lights suddenly hit her. Strong chunks of heavy metal - vehicles - were equipped with the technological capability of traversing great distances at rapid speeds. If these chunks of metal should collide, they would wreak havoc, even death, And yet, she realized, we rely on basic, simple lights - the red ones on the rear of our car, and the white headlights leading the way in front -  to guide us. The simple, soft lights effectively warn away other vehicles from coming too close, while also illuminating our path, hopefully guiding us safely and preventing us from hitting and/or being hit by another moving vehicle.

She began to think that she encounters this type of crash/clash many times a day in the myriad of choices she makes. Choices between good and bad - right and wrong - in her lifelong struggle in choosing to be the one who takes the higher road instead of getting  pulled into the mire of revenge, anger or resentment.  The comparison to her experience driving and her everyday battles became obvious, and it was suddenly clear to her that the power of light can eradicate darkness in all areas of her life. By continually shining the simple light of truth on something, the surrounding darkness would melt into oblivion. Then darkness would not need to be fought - it would just need to be illuminated by mindfully focusing on her purpose and applying actions that would enlighten her soul.  If she could keep the truth always constant in her heart and soul as she travelled any dark, winding roads in her life journey, the potency of a simple 'light' would guide her and distill the darkness. Illumination at its best! 

  





    

The paths of my life journey have introduced me to many individuals who have given light and direction to my life..... 

Thought for the day: 

As I reflect on my past, I can now truly see that life has always been leading me towards my destiny and everyone I have met along my journey has been special to me, in some way providing me with a true life lesson. I have learned to interpret as meaningful and precious every single movement along my path. When thinking about my life, from childhood through adolescence and on to my established existence, certain specific moments of light come to my mind. Those were moments when the world suddenly appeared better, when new perspectives or new opportunities for a more fulfilled life opened up and those moments were always related to some particular person who projected a new emotion or a new mental direction into my life that allowed me to go forward.  For those individuals, I am deeply grateful. 

We must never be too thick or too self-centered to not allow meaning and purpose to illuminate us and affect our world.....

Counting Rainbows

To witness a beautiful, spectacular rainbow  - crystal-like droplets and rays of light - you need to be at the right vantage point to experience it's striking wonder.  A rainbow isn't an object and cannot be physically approached. Many rainbows do exist, however they can only be seen depending on the particular observer's viewpoint, as droplets of light are illuminated by the sun. 

Sighting and photographing a beautiful rainbow from the balcony of their cruise ship made her think that, as with the rainbow, perhaps she also has the ability to reflect light and use it to create more goodness and brightness in her world and that with the clarity she has gained through life's lessons she can use her own unique prisms to create beautiful multicoloured hues. But in order to see those spectacular beams of light, she will also need to stand at a particular angle and she needs to be willing to look and see the light of another. 

She is extremely grateful for having had the opportunity to experience, and thoroughly enjoy, a Caribbean cruise ship vacation visiting St. Kitts, Barbados, St. Lucia, Antigua and Grand Turks, and, with this gratitude, she realizes that now is the time to take the light of inspiration that she has also experienced and shine it into her everyday life. Now is when clarity is crucial. To receive the light of spirituality - to keep feeding her soul -  even in her mundane day to day life, and her sometimes overworked emotions, she needs to make herself translucent. To do this she must allow herself to pause, witness and appreciate the light-filled, multicoloured qualities of all those with whom she crosses paths. She will still continue to look for beautiful rainbows, but she will now also let herself be one.

The power of imagining oneself to be another person, to walk in their shoes, to share their ideas and feelings, to empathize with them is a true act of understanding and acceptance.....

Thought For The Day:

We all know some people who, by setbacks in life, become difficult to reach, but deep within themselves they are full of human emotions - as most of us are. Such individuals appear practical, often factual, but only in special moments will emotions that are warm and intense  emerge from them. Don't these people deserve - or maybe especially so - our empathy?

Only when we find peace within ourselves will  we find peace within our relationships.....

Simple and Serene

Cruise ships are by nature romantic places. Maybe it's the constant ocean view, sunsets, moonlight and stars. Maybe it's the relaxed atmosphere. Or perhaps it's the slight rocking that gets a lot of people thinking about love. Taking a break from the everyday rhythm of life, in and of itself, provides many mental and emotional benefits wherever one decides to vacation, but the environment of a luxury cruise ship, and all the amenities it has to offer, provides a  true chance to center and collect oneself before heading back to the daily grind of riding the waves of the pace and responsibilities of ones life and family. 

The chance recently to experience a Caribbean vacation on the world's newest and largest cruise ship was a perfect way to celebrate their 10th anniversary - 10 beautiful  years - 10 love filled years - 10 amazing years. - 10 years of learning about each other, loving each other, supporting each other, bracing for the bad, and embracing the good. 

The day of embarkment was the day of their 10th anniversary - ten years had seemed so far away and yet, here it was. As they stood on the balcony of their cabin, photographing the vastness of the deep blue ocean, she reflected back, wishing that she could say that they were the perfect couple, but like all relationships, they had had their good times and hard times. They have friends who tell them that they see them as the perfect couple, the couple to watch, the couple to pattern communication after, the couple who sets an example for others. She wished that she could agree, but knew that they really were just like most other couples - they struggle, there is miscommunication, stubborn streaks, mood highs and lows and sometimes a sense of dread - and, yes, there had been days when they wondered if they were going to make it. And realistically, she knew that a cruise, while an ideal way to enjoy each other in a relaxed, romantic environment, was not a real life thermometer or forever fix to make any relationship perfect. They had learned a lot in the past 10 years and, through life's lessons, knew that there is still much growing and learning to do and were, through past hard work and sincere dedication to spending their life together - forever and always, no matter what - ready to continue to work on doing whatever it would  take to make life the best it could be for each other. They are determined to thrive within their relationship, aware that love isn't just a feeling, but an expression, and so will continue to love each other "in sickness and in health and until death do us part".

The cruise met their expectations, in fact, even went beyond what they had thought was possible as a superb vacation - not to say there weren't moments when they each needed their own space to rest and relax  - but in those separate times they each were able to re-energize and come together again for dinner in the exquisite dining room and share delicious and perfectly cooked and plated food and then share an evening of entertainment or a walk on the starlit deck, or a moonlit ocean view as they sat on their balcony, enjoying the wafting, warm breezes, discussing the days events, with a glass of wine in hand. 

Reality reared its ugly head when they landed back at the airport, many degrees colder - in fact minus 38 degrees with the wind chill factor.  But they were thankful for the very warm weather they had experienced and knew that Spring wasn't far off. Ahhh, March - the month when crocusses and daffodils show their beautiful faces. Sweater weather. Cleaning off the patio furniture weather. Her first thought when she looked outside the next morning was that Mother Nature was not playing fair. But then she stopped, meditated, and just put herself in the moment, and in the moment realized how beautiful the day actually was. Bright blue skies, the snow bathed in sunlight. The pattern of the snowflakes on the window was amazing. There was a stillness to the earth that only comes with a deep and peaceful snowfall. And as the snow continued to fall, she continued to gaze out the window and be grateful for the serenity of the moment. Be they on a cruise or standing at the kitchen window,  she knew that each moment is all that they have, and that living serenly, in that moment, is all that any relationship needs.  
    



  

My children's birthdays make me feel older than my own birthday does.....

Happy 69th Birthday To Me

Another year older - it hardly seems possible that one more year has passed, and that on  March 1st. I turned 69 years old. Saying it out loud sounds very,very old!  I'm now of an age where I am supposed to fear and resent aging, but, for some reason, as I get closer to reaching 70, I don't. Yes, my skin isn't what it used to be and my hair has turned completely white and physically I am not going to be pictured on any bathing suit calendars - but there's only one alternative to aging, and that alternative is even harder on the skin and the hair!

I don't dread the fact that I am now approaching my 70th year. Actually, I've been approaching 70 since the day I was born. At a steady pace too. Time has at certain points leapt forward and at other points it has equally stalled along the way. But it did somehow get to now.

It hardly feels like so many decades have passed  since I was a carefree, child-free person, but in the intervening years I've carried and delivered and brought up two wonderful humans, married and divorced, and have moved about 13 times - and I have the body and damaged furniture to prove it! 

I have laugh lines and scowl lines. I have lived through responsibilities and anxieties that I never dreamed of. I have debt and obligations. I have owned jeans in a wide array of sizes and, at some point I have cursed at each pair. I have two successful children and their spouses, and 4 grandchildren and a loving significant-other to share my life, along with many very good friends. They fill me with a  heart-bursting personal pride and joy and amazement too.  It is awesome to think that at 69 I am so far from  the young girl I remember and have become the woman I am. 

So I enter this last year of my 60th decade on earth with an open mind and much gratitude. I am grateful for the young woman I once was but I am even more grateful for the woman I now am - a woman who endured extremes and braved unknowns and successfully survived. All of my life experiences were an investment in my 69 year old self. So, too, is each day of my life now an investment in how ever many more years I will be given. I reject dread and refuse to fret over old age. In fact, I feel no shame over my age and am hopeful that the next years will be as ample and surprising and fulfilling as the past, even with all its struggles, has been. 

The differing nature of day and night can't be explained by the absence of light, just as the words that enlighten our souls are far more precious than any sparkling jewel.....

The Wonder of Words

by Beverlee Blampied (c)

Finally my writer's block has come and gone
Now, at last, I am ready to move on
To again write life's stories - present and past
To pen many memories that will forever last
To those who will read and truly discern
That it's never too late to live and to learn
That life's experiences, be they theirs or mine
Can be put into words and slowly sipped like fine wine
That with writing our stories we always will find
That relaying them contributes to tranquilizing the mind
As through the words of every story we read
The wise reader is aware of the common seed
That every human life is made up of the dark and the light
That the happy, the sad, the deadening and the vital
The anger, anxiety, temporary insanities and fright
Are all part of the ever on-going recital
Through which, with the healing power of melancholy
We can find meaning and beauty within all the folly
And shed the darkness that has been ever raging
And finally find solace as we reach this life stage of aging