There is no true religion without kindness and love.....
A Spiritual Existence
Many specific experiences in her life have turned her away from the church community and have influenced her decision to abandon organized religion.
She herself has experienced a marriage to a man, who, on the surface, was admired by the church because of his ability to preach wonderful 'God-filled' Sunday sermons but was manipulative and abusive in his home, private life and family relationship - he could talk the talk, did not walk the walk, but was respected and held the position, in their local church, of a man of 'God'.
She is now the partner of a man who lost not only his children but also his church family and most importantly his relationship with his 'God' due to the church ( of which he had been truly an active member in good standing) not accepting the brokenness of his marriage caused by manipulation and hypocritical and judgmental people within the Christian framework. As long as he followed the dictates of the church and did not step out of line, according to their rules - as long as he continued to accept and not question the mistreatment he received both by his family and his church in the name of "God' - he would still be a member in good standing with a 'surface' family and a so-called Christian family by his side.
She has personally known several Evangelical preachers, and is aware of many others, who are constantly asking for money for the 'cause' but who, somehow, manage to live high off the hog. Supporting this concept is the true story of a group of people being trained to be pastors - men of "God" - being asked by their professor how many of them believed in 'God". More than half the class admitted that they did not, but that there was a lot of money to be made in the 'God' business!
Her youngest granddaughter was born with a skull abnormality that required, at six months of age, a long operation that involved cracking the bones in her forehead and reassembling the bones to correct the structure of her skull to allow her brain to have the space in which to grow - it also involved, 200 stitches, 7 days of morphine and much pain. Why did 'God' allow an innocent baby and her loving parents to be put through such emotional and physical 'torture'?
Her very good friend recently died a horribly painful cancer death. This woman, of Jewish origin, could, if it was possible, be compared to a Mother Teresa. She was extremely kind, compassionate, helpful, giving, generous, and non judgmental yet she was allowed to die experiencing such atrocious pain. She had given to everyone who crossed her path in their time of need. Where was "God" in her time of need?
Religion and religious dogmas confuse her and cause her to ask questions that she never feels are adequately answered - no one ever seems to have a truly intellectually believable answer. There is always too much evangelizing and not nearly enough truth telling. There is too much emphasis placed on blind child-like faith. She still searches for the answers to questions such as:
Is the Bible reliable - how true is its content and whose interpretation is correct?
Communication, even in today's society, can be misunderstood, so how reliable are religious documents that have been handed down through centuries and translated by a number of different people?
Some claim that morality without 'God' is an impossibility and yet we have examples of real people who have a much higher moral code than many religious people - how does one explain this apparent contradiction?
How does a supposedly all loving 'God' permit the suffering of innocents - babies and young children in cancer wards?
How can one explain that a new born child is a sinner?
What is the explanation for the success and prosperity of a so-called 'Godless' person?
How can it be explained that prayers are answered when a lifetime of prayer may accomplish absolutely nothing? To say that 'God' may answer yes, no, or not now simply avoids the truth.
Why does 'God' allow bad things to happen to good people?
Why does 'God' allow families to be shattered through mean behaviors, negative attitudes, misjudgments, egos, pride, greed and jealousies?
Why does 'God' allow the abuse and rape and honor killings of innocent women?
How can religious pride be explained when 'God' supposedly hates pride?
Why does 'God' allow his churches to be filled with hypocritical and judgmental people?
How does 'God' allow a supposedly Christian mother to alienate her children, through false accusations and out of context explanations, from their Christian father?
Why are the rich given places of honor within religious organizations?
How does 'God' allow the abuse of innocent children by 'holy' men within the church body?
The hypocritical and judgmental attitudes of numerous church leaders she has studied and/or heard preach, and the same attitudes of many of the churchgoers with whom she has interacted throughout her life, are very overwhelming to her and therefore she finds herself incapable of accepting their opinions. What or who gave these particular people, or church body, the right to decide if someone's life style, relationship status, sexual preference. or degree of 'sin' was not acceptable for them to become part of a church community? What or who gave them the right to decide if they would or would not be able to have their sins - or so-called sins, forgiven? What or who gave them the right to decide that a divorced person was not able to remarry at the altar of their chosen church? What or who gave them the right to decide that they would not be welcomed into the arms of their God? Organized religion has, to her, with its herd mentality, become more about show than substance. She feels that all churches should welcome everyone - rejection of people was never part of the 'Jesus' plan. If there is, in fact, a 'Jesus', would he not prefer that Christians, as people of God, whatever their denomination, offer peace and joy to those who are seeking a higher power?
Through experience and constant learning, she has come to see that religion is a set of beliefs and rituals that claim to get a person into a relationship with 'God'. It is a human institution created and maintained by humans. As she sees it, she is obligated to accept the teachings, laws and limitations of the religion and faith they follow in order to be accepted by the group. Group thinking is not only encouraged but in many cases it is mandatory to group acceptance. Religion, to her, implies dogma. All religions have rules - there are rules about what to do and rules about what not to do. Some religions are more tolerant than others, of course, but all religions have prescribed practices for their followers - the Ten Commandments, for example. However, studying history has shown her that religion has been the cause of violence, wars, discrimination, bigotry, pain and suffering - all of which are a long way from kindness, compassion, comfort and spiritual reassurance. Religious morality has been used to justify political reasoning and supremacy and when religion is used to validate killing, to her it has gone beyond the moral compass - a morality set supposedly by 'God' - to impose belief and power over another. This has been seen with the killing of Doctors and abortion clinic staff, all in the name of saving a fetus, despite the pregnancy having been caused by rape or incest, or when the pregnancy might have been threatening to the mother's life. And how does one comprehend and/or explain the politics of the Vatican, the manipulation of the Evangelicals, the insanity and terrorism of Islam, the many Gods of Hinduism or the sect component of the Hasidic Jewish group?
Often, the dilemma for her has been to pray or not to pray - believe or not to believe. Believing in a 'God' who just might, if she prayed the right prayer fervently enough, get involved in her life - after all she has seen and experienced, is anti-intellectual and that is why she has found herself floating in a sea of doubt. She still believes that there is a higher power. Even as a skeptic she can not stifle the sense that there is something greater than the concrete world that she lives in. But within her doubt there is doubt. She continues to be thankful for all the good in her life, but is no longer certain that she can give that credit to 'God'. And, if she was truly honest with herself, she does not think that it is anyone's business, except her own, how she communicates with 'God' and she certainly does not need or want anyone judging her relationship with 'God', should she choose to have one. She feels that that relationship, should there be one, could be nurtured better and would be much more personal away from the pressure of the church.
When she looks at her world and into her heart and sees that which she doesn't understand, she knows, intellectually, that she has touched something that is unknowable and spiritual, and that spirituality comes from her willingness to admit that something is beyond her comprehension. Spirituality inevitably entails, for her, a healthy dose of uncertainty about a religious life, but she is more than certain that spirituality, unlike religion, begins where her heart and mind meet. It has nothing to do with what she believes (beliefs are not spiritual - they are thoughts ) but has everything to do with her state of consciousness and the stillness in her consciousness is the spiritual dimension.
Spirituality, to her, is a focus on spiritual things and the spiritual world instead of the physical and earthly things. It highlights qualities such as kindness, compassion, tolerance, service and community. It is definitely what is real in her own experience, arising from an inner search within herself - the finding of her own truth. It is not a human institution but is a consciousness, an awakening, an awareness of who she really is - a spiritual being occupying a human body. It takes years of life's experiences - close observation and contemplation of the nature of these experiences - and the wisdom acquired through them - to reach such awareness. It is an ongoing process for her and as the wisdom comes it is so profound that it can't be ignored.
Spirituality, as she sees it, imposes no rules, no dogmas. It simply means the cultivation and study of her spirit. The definition is much looser than that of religion - there are no hard and fast rules about what to do or not to do - it is more fluid and self-directed. In the quiet of her mind, a bird singing, a glimpse of the ungraspable, a sudden surge of love or hope or awe, and the first time she held her newborn children and saw their faces, are all moments of perfect clarity - moments where she has benefited from the gifts of spirituality. All such moments open up her spiritual life which is about her wanting a direct experience of whatever 'God' is.
Her emotions, not her beliefs, are what brings her closer to spirituality. Underneath her thinking she has a stillness - a contentment that is truly spiritual. With spirituality she has the freedom to learn about her true nature and the nature of reality outside the limitations of the dogma and doctrine of religion. Although she envies faith and those who believe with a strong faith ( how contenting it must be to believe that someday everyone she loves will be in one place, all that was bad will be good again, and everyone will be together, in peace and love forever) intellectually she is unable to accept that promise.
Religious or spiritual - she can be one or the other, but not both. Even though she had been raised in and has experienced various religious institutions, she now has the need for a deeper understanding and ultimately it has become necessary for her to reject organized religion in favor of the freedom of spirituality.
While religion, she finds, tends to breed separation - my religion vs. your religion / my 'god' is the only true 'god' / my ethics are better than yours etc., spirituality sees all people as equal - as spiritual beings - without labels - people whose purpose is to awaken their true nature. Within spirituality she has been able to be dedicated to her personal spiritual growth and to define for herself what constitutes that growth, and with that spiritual way of seeing she has been inspired to greater visions.
