After watching truths dissolve, eventually the world reveals itself and through the blurred realities, a light shines along our journey and we can make a conscious choice to place our footprints on more solid ground....

Such A Mess

You can’t always control the thoughts in your head she kept telling herself. And you certainly can’t control who you love. Love had dealt her insurmountable problems before and now she found herself in such an emotional mess that she was spinning out of control again. The break-up with him had been shocking to her. She had thought that if she had some time to work on him, without feeling pulled between him and her children, she would get him back; the children were away at camp for the summer and this time could be just for him - they could take a nice road trip together, or stay up all night and sleep late in the morning, or cuddle romantically by the fire in the dancing shadows of the candle light.

It was true - he had left her before, and there had been long periods of dramatic misery during which she had talked on the phone for hours and written volumes of poems and gone out on pointless dates with other men, but, in the end, he had always come back. And it was perfectly clear that underneath it all, what kept drawing him away was her attachment to her children -  her very reason for being. She was tired of having to explain that her role as a mother need not take away from her needs as a woman. She could now create a world for both - she would figure out how.

He had said ugly things the night he had left but she didn’t believe him - knew he didn’t mean them - she didn’t believe in taking his words too seriously. What mattered now was that she had this all-controlling need to have him in her life, and was determined to win him back. She left him alone for a few weeks and calmed herself. She was doing fine - she had developed a plan. 

When she finally felt ready, she called him at his office. When she reached him, he was wary and polite. Very polite. He asked her to hold on while he closed the office door, but instead of the intimate conversation she had played over and over in her head, he only listened politely as she described the changes she had made in her life. She so wanted him to say “What a fool I’ve been - why don’t I pick you up after work, or “Can I come over tonight?” But all he said was “You sound fine - thank you for calling.”  When she found herself with the dead phone in her hand, she felt out of control - lost and confused.

She waited another week and called him again, this time at home. Again he was sympathetic, soft-voiced, polite. This time she left him no room to evade. So he answered softly that he had meant what he had said - and he hung up. Time passed ever so slowly. She did not want to believe that this emptiness was all the future had to hold for her. She had to convince herself to believe that this too would pass - that only for this moment would the intensity of disappointment and sadness last.  But morning came  to scatter the stars and that too would pass. Night came to wrap a blanket of hope over her daytime tears and ease her soul, but that, too, would pass and she finally had to accept, again, that in her obsessive search for love, nothing was ever constant, and no one ever remained.

Life is drawing without an eraser....

Bookmarks of Life

In an article I read several years ago the writer spoke of his life as being nothing but a series of bookmarks that he used to jump back and forth through the theme of his life, returning again and again to the events that had made him who he was. There are numerous times when I, too, really see my life that way.  A seemingly trivial object, sight, or sound takes me back to something from my past. And many of those times it creates an ache in my heart for that which has been lost and for that which I long to get back.

Remembering significant bookmarks lets me attempt to understand what the moments have meant and continue to mean. The prolonged exposure in my mind to past events in my life may not always create a fun or positive feeling, or memory, of a particular time, but I have learned to allow those moments to guide my next step in the present. They also make me realize that living only in the present, and not recalling the moments of my past, can also flatten my daily existence. Bookmarks can be the triggers that open new chapters of my life. My memories, good or bad, are always available and I can use them wisely to develop the seasons of my life.   

Traveling back in time and/or the prolonged exposure to events of the past are not always easy to deal with, but the reality is that they can clear the haze in my life and allow the sun to illuminate the path that I am on, which in turn helps to give me the ongoing clarity that I need to help me be the person I want to be. They shed a constant light on the decisions I now make in my present life and more clearly direct me toward a more fulfilling future that I diligently pursue with my heart everyday.

It is in hoping that we dream, in dreaming that we seek, and in seeking that we find our heart's desires.....

Hidden Camera

It was the strangest job application that she had ever filled out. Her hands trembled slightly. She wanted this position above all else. It was what she had worked so hard for - it would offer her everything she had struggled to achieve - a 'title', interesting work days, and of course, a salary she had only been able to dream of until now.

Beneath her name, address and other particulars was a single question in bold black lettering at the center of the page. It asked: “What have you once been led to believe which you later found to be not true?”

A tingle of paranoia tiptoed up her spine and she glanced around, wondering if she might be on one of those hidden camera shows. This was not typical of the type of question that would be asked for this level position, nor was filling out an application form standard procedure during an interview of this calibre. This was plain weird.

No cameras were visible to her eye in the richly decorated boardroom, so she shrugged off her feelings of wariness, and reread the question. With pen in hand, she thought for a bit and considered how she would approach this odd question.

As a child her overactive imagination made her gullible to a fault. Any story was believable. Elves and fairies and mystical characters were all real, there was a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow, nursery rhymes spoke the truth, there was a  man in the moon, and you could dig a hole in  your back yard deep enough that it would end up in China.

Her teen years came and went, then young adulthood arrived and truths were often revealed when least expected. Lifelong beliefs, ingrained over time, still steeping in youthful naivete, were shattered like delicate crystal.

Once upon a time she had blindly believed that all friends were loyal; that the people we trust most will never hurt us, that nothing but good can result from telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth, that authority figures could be depended upon to look out for our best interests, and that people say what they mean and mean what they say.

By the time she had stockpiled all my knowledge learned from life’s trials and tribulations - the give and take of marriage and friendship, the give of raising children, the take of working for a living - the few optimistic beliefs she still clung to were running solely on fumes.

The muted sound of a phone ringing somewhere nearby broke her thoughts. She looked down again at the question that continued to taunt her in all its black boldness from the center of the white page. She quickly made a decision, picked up her pen and began her answer.

“For most  of my adult life I believed that there was only one way to reach success in any part of one’s life, and that was to focus on the top rung of the ladder and blind myself too anything or anyone that got in the way. I believed that those choosing to be content with any of the lower rungs were failures. For far too long that is what I believed to be the truth.”

With a cleansing sigh, and a new realization of her own self-worth, she dropped her pen into her purse, picked up her coat, and stepped quietly from the elegant boardroom, leaving the interview form on the boardroom table, and headed home to change into her old, comfortable jeans, make herself a cup of tea, and wait for the look of surprise on her children's faces when they arrived home to find her already there.

In answering the interview question, the hidden camera in her mind showed her that people who believe in success at any cost usually end up paying a very high price and that she would gain far more along the paths of my life journey if she took the time to find the centre of her own star, knowing that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige but on relationships with the people she loved and respected and, most importantly, that home and family was, for her, where she could achieve a personal success far more fulfilling than that offered in the corporate culture.

Sailing through the stormy waves of life is never easy but we can, by living through honesty and integrity, navigate through the uncharted waters and guide our life journey to where we can stand at the edge of the world and grab hold of our own star.

Boats On The Dock

One of the most beautiful sights in the world,  and one that always leaves me awestruck, is that of an ocean. I  love the feeling of a sandy beach beneath my feet, the smell of the salt air, the sounds of the waves coming into the shore and the unbelievable force, power, magnitude and expanse of the ocean. It’s low and high tides offer very different views of the waterfront. At low tide, moored boats are tossed on the low waters, hitting up against the poles of the docks, moving ever so close to the nearby and potentially dangerous rocks . At high tide, the moored boats gently rock back and forth in the high waters, nestling close to the docks, far above the potentially dangerous rocks submerged below.

Sitting on the beach, watching the magnificent sunrise over Surfers Paradise/Coolangata, Australia, while on vacation there several years ago, I had the silent, early morning hours to reflect on life and came to the realization that the tides and boats could be a dynamic metaphor for life. I have remembered those mornings often and thought about what we as individuals need to stay buoyant and keep ourselves protected from the dangerous and harmful ‘rocks’ of life. 

There are those we meet along our life journey who live their lives at low tide. They do not live with integrity, do not always live in the truth. They assume a perspective of entitlement or ingratitude, making choices and decisions as a reaction to their fear, leaving much to blind chance.

Through the bending and often bumpy trails of my journey, in order to avoid feeling isolated, alone, sad or angry at events that have negatively impacted my life, I have learned that we need to experience high tide in order to navigate safely through life, avoiding many of the pitfalls and dangers present at low tide. This means that we need to fill our reservoir to be more buoyant. We need to protect our emotional health, our physical well-being, our state of mind and our spiritual growth. And most of all, we need to create a space for love. These are needs that must be honored.

Creating high tide in our lives is not easy as it requires looking at where we are and taking responsibility for it. It also means looking at where we need to be so that we can be our best and thereby offer our best to others. It is really about protecting our ‘selves‘ so that we can live and love authentically.

For me, the journey - the sail on the waters of the ocean - has and does require that I build and deepen my communities, and either heal or accept and forgive broken family ties. It requires taking care of my physical self, getting enough sleep, allowing myself to enjoy life, having a healthy outlet for stress, being honest and living with integrity.

I believe that it is a combination of all these things that will allow me to keep the boats on my dock from sinking and give me the capacity to sail smoothly and keep me ready for grabbing onto, experiencing and enjoying any opportunities and blessings that may come my way.   

We fill our life journey with many memories - footprints that last forever - and we must frame these memories accordingly by living the moments with those we love, by living our life out loud, and by dreaming as if we'll live forever but living as if we'll die tomorrow, keeping in mind that feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

Choices

A little over two months ago I was invited to a party for a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen for far too long. Wine flowed endlessly and appetizers were continuously offered. Many of us in attendance hadn’t seen each other in years. A toast was made to my friend and wonderful words were said about her that had everyone responding in alternating laughter and tears. Stories were told about her - how she was a wonderful mother, always putting her family first; how she was a faithful friend to many; how her keen intelligence and sharp wit had made her successful in her career in Social Work; and how her smile and warm engaging personality won everyone’s heart. Except for one small problem, my friend’s party was one of the most enjoyable get-togethers that I had been to. The problem, though, was that my friend couldn’t make it. She had died a couple of weeks earlier and this was a celebration of her life.

A major dilemma for those of us now in our senior years is that the death of people who have affected, influenced or helped us at various stages in our lives creates this huge untimely void and their demise takes away the opportunity of letting them know, in large and small ways, just how much their friendship, companionship, love or mere presence has made a difference at some point in our lives, or how something they did or said along the way helped to make us the person we are today. Death makes us realize that life offers a big, irritating surprise - it’s short - and in it’s shortness we are given one choice - to laugh or to cry. Whether it’s tomorrow or 10 years from tomorrow, all we have is today and we can’t spend the time given to us by wishing that we had acknowledged the importance of those who are important to us. Life does go on and we must choose to forgive ourselves for failing to tell each other how much a friendship meant to us, or for being embarrassed to let someone know that they said or did something that we never forgot. We must diligently choose to be happy, not sad and we can help ourselves by making certain that we now have the courage to say something meaningful to someone before the memorial service takes place. So - at the risk of looking foolish, I’m starting to let those who have meant the most in my life know how important they still are to me. All I need to do is make the effort - make a point of staying in contact when distance, convenience, and common sense would try to suggest otherwise.  I try to remember birthdays. I try to lend a sympathetic ear when needed. I thank people who gave me breaks when I didn’t deserve them. I try to find the time and I try not to forget.

Even though I won’t be here for my farewell party, I plan (hope) to make it known, before my time is up, how much certain people have meant to me in my lifetime - the ones who gave me my first breaks and my second chances; the ones who put up with my mistakes; the ones I can continue a conversation with as if 25 to 30 years have not gone by; the ones I knew a lifetime ago who still matter to me; and the ones who make me smile when I hear their voice. I’ll continue to do my best to make sure that they know in words and deeds how much they have meant to me - and I will do this by making the one choice offered - to laugh or to cry - thereby making certain that I will not wish that I had said what I should have said years ago. 

People who believe in success at any price usually end up paying a very high price but it is never too late to take footprints along a new path and make a new person out of your old self; if we seek with the soul and see with the heart we will discover along our life journey that wealth is best measured in family, friends and laughter

Mirror Image

As he looked at his reflection in the entrance hall mirror, on his way out the door to attend a family function, his mind took him back to his past and troubled life when his second ‘late-in-life’ career seemed to be at a dead end.

For the previous seven years he had been training as an actor and struggling to get his first big break, but every time he came close to acing the audition and snagging a significant role, something would go wrong and he would face rejection again and again. He tried every avenue he could think of, including changing agents, and although the change had secured him more parts, it still hadn’t gotten him the roles he needed to become a ‘star’.  He was a professional, hard-working, dedicated actor, and he believed that he had talent - this also having been confirmed by others in the profession - but because no major roles had yet to come his way, he started to think that he simply wasn’t meant to be a well-known actor and so decided to come to terms with what he thought was the obvious - he was a failure. 

Now, though,  facing him in the mirror was the image of a man who had handled many trials and tribulations, head-on, in his search for professional success. He had, after much soul-searching over the past year, learned to come to terms with the fact that he was not just an actor. He had been, and still was, good at acting, but that was not who he truly was - it was only what he did to make a living. He had finally stopped identifying himself by his career. He had learned, through trial and error, that he needed to discover an identity that was beyond his work, and that way, success and/or failure in his career did not spell success or failure in his life.

In his world of inverted values, he had been fed the belief that a man is called successful because he makes a lot of money. A man may have led a very self-centered life and shown no character at all but if he did well at his career the majority of people considered him successful. He now understood, though, that true success can only be achieved when we succeed in our personal relationships. If we are a caring friend in times of need, if we treat our families well, if we are supportive and understanding partners/spouses and devoted, caring parents, and if we contribute to our community, not just with money, but with time and action, then we can be considered a success - and those who have developed happy relationships are truly the real success stories. 

He believed now that as long as he identified himself with his profession, as in “I am an actor’ or ‘I am an IT Business Professional’ - he would be pinning his success as a person solely on his career status. But this was no longer true for him, and his creed was now that he would not allow himself to be defined by his job/his profession. What he did to make a living was very different from what he did to make a life. Work was what he needed to make a living, but to make a life he must love, connect, serve a purpose and find meaning.

He smiled at the mirror image of his face, as it now reflected his new calmness and confidence. His thoughts reiterated that he may have been good in his previous profession and in his acting. Or maybe not. But it was now more important for him to be good at being human - as when it came to being human, a failed businessman could be the greatest success story and/or a struggling actor could be the shining ‘star’.

The finish line is just the beginning of a whole new race that will offer us new paths to choose on our life journey and new trails on which to leave our footprints.

A Definitive Moment

There are first time moments in everyone’s life that can define them as a person. Some of these moments can be both definitive and memorable, but they all encompass a myriad of emotions and subsequently each moment shapes our life experience.

Her first and most profound defining moment came many years ago when she was a seventeen year old high school student in Montreal, Quebec. She was very much an achiever - successfully academic and decently athletic. Her concentration and interest  centered on making good grades and earning a place on the Basketball/Volleyball/High Jump/Broad Jump/ and Relay Race Teams. She excelled. However, the more she accomplished, the more she needed to achieve. The need to prove herself was overpowering. What she wasn’t aware of was that life was going to teach her a very powerful lesson.

Her next self-imposed challenge was to become a member of the school ski team. She took lessons - she practiced - her ability and confidence grew. She attended school organized, coed ski trips, every saturday, to Mont Tremblant and St. Sauveur des Monts - ski hill areas  in the Quebec Laurentian Mountains that provided regular, difficult, and expertise hill experiences.

One particular Saturday she was ready to attempt the difficult hill run at St. Sauveur. What she wasn’t prepared for was the introduction of a whole new realm of emotions and feelings within her that presented themselves on the chartered bus trip to the mountains. She had had no experience with interacting with the opposite sex, but that was about to change!

Her girlfriend, Judy, who was a fearless, accomplished skier, and who was far ahead of her in the dating game, sat with her on the bus.  In conversation Judy told her that Mark, one of the most popular boys in Grade 12, and one of the ski team members, wanted to ask her out on a date. Nor only was Mark popular,  he was extremely cute and a superb skier! Surprisingly, she was quite taken, and expressed such to Judy, also stating that she was going to do her utmost to ski very well so that Mark would be favorably impressed.

Shortly after their ‘talk’ Judy left their seat and spent the rest of the bus trip riding beside Mark. She assumed that Judy was attempting to boost her rating with Mark. What she hadn’t realized was that Judy was also interested in Mark and jealous of his interest in her.

At the top of the ski hill that day she was not aware of the significance in what was about to follow, as some defining moments are more difficult to identify than others. Mark, Judy and she stood sizing up the difficulty of the run. Both Mark and Judy appeared almost arrogantly confidant. She, on the other hand, suddenly realized that she was very much out of her comfort zone, but instinctively knew that she had to present well to ‘tweak’ Mark's interest. She was determined to ski with passion and expertise. Filled with fear, she pushed off the mountain top and somehow made her way down the slopes in absolutely perfect movement. She reached the bottom of the hill and realized that she had aced the run!

She turned, expecting to see Mark and Judy standing behind her. What she viewed instead was Judy's arrival at the bottom of the hill, in tears, having slid down on her derriere, not on her skis. Mark was comforting Judy and assuring her that he understood her fear of the mountain and that he would be happy to personally coach her towards making the ski team. And, if that wasn’t enough to digest, they walked off together to the ski chalet restaurant.

Judy's intentionally orchestrated portrayal of a ‘damsel in distress’ and Mark's macho-based reaction to, and naive acceptance of Judy's portrayal became the basis of her first profound defining moment.  She realized then that she had experienced, first hand, a lesson in human nature, manipulation, and betrayal.  What the event defined for her, at a very early stage of her life, was that one needs to be always aware that who they are as people, what their character is and how they portray themselves, is their personal integrity, with which they effect and shape those with whom they interact.

Recalling all of the above made her think about other moments in her life that had shaped and changed her. Traveling through the past, looking for turning points, has been clarifying. She can see what has made her the person she is, how far she has come, and where she has yet to head. Some changing moments have been good - some bad - but the end result has always been a sense of maturity and newfound wisdom. Some defining moments have yet to happen, but it’s the openness of the next moment that keeps things interesting and exciting, and maybe that’s the greatest life lesson of all.

Life will never flow from A to Z in a straight line and along our chosen paths we will plod through situations that bring us much pain and heartache. The lesson we must learn along our journey is that we can not hold any one else responsible for our happiness and that free will is a gift, love is a choice and hate leaves us no choice at all. The secret is to learn to accept the impossible, do without the indispensable and bear the intolerable - only then can we guide our footprints to happier tomorrows.  

Life Goes On

by Beverlee Blampied (c) 1982

I really feel quite empty since you went away
The sun, once bright and brilliant, has suddenly turned gray
Words can never quite explain the emptiness I feel
My life just spins on recklessly, a bent and spoke-less wheel
You took the heart within me and turned it murky black
You left me in the morning mist, never to look back
I really should forget you, and God knows I have tried
But the good times that we did share are delved deeply in my mind
For such a long and endless while I naively wished you here
I'd wait from dawn till sunset and hope that you'd appear
But now my heart must harden, my tears must turn to ice
I must solidify my feelings, and I must constantly think twice
I must remind myself to think of all the pain and hurt and fear
I must remember all past sorrows every time I want you near
I must remember how I cringed inside and died a thousand deaths
Each time that your emotions took on such violent depths
The passion that we once shared, that used to bond us near
Has turned itself inwards, to emerge as hidden fear
I never knew what to expect when our embrace was through
I never knew what you thought, or what our love meant to you
But I always knew your discontent, your restlessness, your anger
I always knew your harshness, and only tasted of your hunger
For a closeness that you would not let me give
But  a closeness I still believed you yearned for - a better love to live -
For if I can not hold on to the thought that you once cared
I can no longer allow myself to think of what we could have shared
And then I would not miss you when everything I do
Echoes with the thoughts and memories of you
You're in every corner, every turn and every twist
And every old familiar thought whispers how you are missed
Every where I go there are poignant memories
Silhouette and shadow of your form and face
Substance and reality, everywhere displaced
There is a strange, sad silence amid the busy whirl
Just as though the ordinary, daily things I do
Wait with me, expectant for a sign from you
But I must now remember that it was I who clung
To the constant fantasy that you and I would always be one
For no matter how much love I gave, you closed your heart to me
Your neglect and your rejection are now all that I can see
But I'll always have a part of you, a part of "us' with me
His love is far more precious - and life goes on
For  your son and me.......

Loving You

Loving you was like loving a storm
Your voice carried like thunder
You sent my hopes and my dreams
Crashing down like lightening
Then my tears fell like rain
Destroying everything I valued
I lost myself in your darkness
Searched for shelter from your violence
Was a fool to believe in your spirit
Alone, I stood
Distraught by your effect
My love passed like the storm
Strong and true
Only to be left behind
Soaked in pain
Left to rebuild
All that you had destroyed

Words are the only things that last forever.....


Following is a collection of some of my poetry written from the 1970's to the 1990's- reflections of a multitude of lessons learned as I placed my footprints along the paths of my life journey

Written by Beverlee Blampied (c)


Words
Sometimes
The words you most want
To believe, to feel, to hear
Have been hidden inside you
All along - only mute
Waiting for your own approval
To be heard

                                                                  

Dreams

Always keep within your heart

A secret spot, a space apart

Where dreams can hide

Mirrored Images

Tiny shards

Broken and sprawled

Reflecting and absorbing

The light of life

The beauty that's been

But not the beauty within

Betrayal

The phone rings once, twice, and on the line a woman's voice -

A stranger asks me to listen to her speak of  you

And danger dashes through my veins

And out of fear I choose not to impose but I continue to listen

As my whole being is ripped apart I hear words - intimate words

Spoken only to me, I thought,  but now owned by her as well

As she relates to me your words to her, words not sacred anymore

A replay button could be pressed and all your lies revealed

And through this knowledge I understand that our fate has now been sealed

Anger fills my mind and heart as I hear of your love for her

Sadness fills my inner soul and I now must concur

That our time was really never whole and in the blink of an eye, and a sigh

I know that this time is the final goodbye, for the man that I loved and trusted

Never really existed

Lost

Lost in confusion, encircled by fear

Dreams mistaken, nothing is clear

Life seems trying, moments gently depart

Leaving unforgiving scars

Making fragments of my heart

Solitude

With you

Came the pain

That made me long for

Solitude

With solitude

Came the pain

That made me long

For you

Survival

I have tried so hard

To deal with our heartache

Knowing there is nothing to gain

And so, to survive

I'll let go of our dream

For no matter how short

The time may be

It is too log a wait in

In pain

Death of a Dream

After you left again

I laid down my heart

And I died inside

As I'd been left alone

To miss you

So any times

That I just didn't

Anymore

Pain

Nothing lasts forever

Troubled and abused

Black and blue

I ran and picked up

The pain

Demolished and destroyed

Stolen by hatred and fate

Searched for answers

Before it was too late

Choices

Life is death and death is life

Two parallel roads, each the same as the other

In life you fear death and in death you fear life

And the twist of the roads are ours to discover

Decisions

On the one hand there is so much to gain

On the other so much to lose

So the best decision as far as I can see

Is simply not to choose

The Haunting

Why do you haunt me

Why do I feel you

When you are not here

And never will be

Control

I can't let your memory torture me

I can't let my feelings control my mind

Because if I do I will lose myself

And find that once again the dreams begin

And then I'm left behind with thoughts that fill my heart

And make me blind to what can never be

Tomorrow

The hurts were too abundant

Too powerful, too constant

But when the sorrow faded to normal

You always promised me a tomorrow

A tomorrow

You made me believe

Would have no end

Conflicts

Eventually

The things you want

And the things you need

Start to conflict

Badly

With the things

That you already have

Leaving

Deep within me there was a fear you would be leaving

When your reason for staying was gone

But I still stayed there in your arms, not believing

That someday soon, you would have the need to move on

For me, our times together had been heaven

I discovered me - my body and my mind

You sent away my longing and my searching

Fulfilled my many wants, but I was soon to find

I needed you more completely

I needed your kiss, your touch, your body next to mine

I needed  you to help me and to guide me

When I slipped back into troubled times

I needed your thoughts, your words, your kindness

I needed your understanding smile

I needed you, waned you here forever

But our forever was only for a while

And though it hurts to live my life without you

I still picture all that it could have been

And much too late I had discovered

Just how lonely it was

Walking through a dream

Illusions

I've lost you

But did I ever really have you?

You're gone

But were you ever really here?

I miss you

But did I ever really know you?

I need you

And my need is now a fear

Goodbyes

Who will say the final goodbye first

And who will make it last

Me and my pain or 

You and your fear?

The Dance

Again

I hold  my breath

And dance with you

I feel regret, frightened, blue

Again

We tell each other how we feel

We continue to dance

Our bodies saying, in stolen moments

What we can not

Our dance is interrupted

Again

By a reality

That can not leave us alone

And we are in limbo

The song still plays

We are no longer dancing

Time slows

But the music lingers

Again

If  Love

If love could only be

All that you can see

From the outside looking in

If love could only be

All that we dreamed for you and me

Our life together could begin

If love could only be 

What it would take to set you free

Our tomorrows could evolve

If love could only be

What would bring you here to me

Our problem would be solved

If love could only be

All that you'd ever need from me

I would give my all, plus more

If love could only be

It would be the missing key

To open up our every door 

Reality

I wish that I could stop dreams

Pull them out

Shape them in front of me

If this I could accomplish

You would be here with me

But dreams are not reality

And memories are all I have

To remind myself

That the 'should have had'

And the 'might have been'

Will never be.....

And that our stolen moments

Have brought me only heartache

With nothing but hurt to gain

And so, to ease my broken heart

I'm now letting go of our dream

For no matter how short

The wait for you might be

It will be too long a wait

In pain

The Reason Why

It's uncanny how I feel

When you're around me

And how my heart still pounds

When you come in the room

It's as though I were about to enter heaven

Or as in just before the hour before I die

And in my mind, one fierce thought

Keeps running over -

With you

And only you

The reason why

Secrets And Lies

Once again

You've burst the bubble

Leaving me empty

Laying in a huddle

So I am giving  you back

Your secrets and your lies

No more pain will they cause

In their disguise

Second Best

I have so many dreams

Waiting to be realized

That I no longer want

To put limits on myself -

I will now reach for my goals

Wish upon a star

And continually remind myself

That I am unique, I am special

And do deserve to be more 

Than just second best

Love

Love is like the sunshine

That makes me a cloud 

Love sounds a whisper

But the feeling is loud

Love creeps upon me

Doubt scares it away

But patience, my heart says

Soon will come the day

When I will open the black sky

And fill it with light

And you'll love then forever

When the timing is right