A child is a love that lasts a lifetime........

A Mother's Prayer

Can a heart cry with tears unshed?

Can a soul ache with words unsaid?

Can shoulders bend with troubles unseen?

The sadness inside from a shattered dream

Yes -

A mother dreams when her children are small

Of all they will be when they grow tall

The passerby does not discern

The difficult lessons she has had to learn

She can not save them from times of pain

Only her  love can help them sustain

The heart of a mother can cry without tears

As she prays for her children throughout the years

No matter how hard she tries to protect

They too, will be tested, she does suspect

From her soul's depth she cries

And to the heavens she pleads

Spare them from heartache

And answer their needs

Her heart fills with sadness when they are low

But she knows from these trials they too will grow

And start the cycle again once more

When they become parents with all that’s in store.

Family Heirlooms

There was a definite winter chill in the air on November 27, 2010 as I entered the Cathedral to attend my son’s wedding - the weather was not the bright, sunny day we had hoped for, but it was holding its own, and if the wind settled during the ceremony, we would be able to greet family and friends on the outside stairs of this picturesque church, and take photos to record this momentous occasion in my son’s life, capturing the living heirlooms that are priceless but more valuable than material possessions.

Sitting in the front row pew, near the altar where Darren and his bride would soon take their marriage vows, I began to reflect back and started remembering the day he was born 33 years ago - the first time that I held him in my arms and looked down at the precious life that had been entrusted to me - all of the hopes and dreams that filled my heart that day - unwrapping his blanket and counting his tiny fingers and toes, so innocent and so new to this world. And how he had grown from that little baby to the wonderful, kind, caring and loving man that he is today.

I thought about all of the life that we had shared as I watched him grow from a joyful, mischievous young child into the handsome hunk of a man that he is today. I thought of all the worrying that I had done over the years and how I would sit, whenever possible, and  talk with him about what is important in life - I wanted him to live life with a joyful heart and a kindness towards others and to always appreciate the little things in life, for they are with us everyday.

When he was a baby I often wondered how I would teach him to be strong and good, to care about the world around him, and to live every moment to the fullest. I wondered if he would pick things up from me and how I behaved in the world. I tried to be a good role model and I hoped that he would be able to see my strengths and my weaknesses and eventually grow beyond them.  I wanted him to have patience and strength, to learn, and to do whatever he set his mind to do. And mostly, I wanted, even though he would grow up in a single-parent home, to teach him the importance of love - of giving himself to another and caring for them more at times than he cared about himself. I knew that he could get hurt but I also knew that hurt builds strength and without sharing himself fully with another person, he wouldn’t get the opportunity of seeing the world through another’s eyes, and, with love, he would need to  learn the value of hope. I wanted him to face the world armed with it.

So many memories were going through my head and heart - the trials and struggles we dealt with during his growing up  years - the emotional and physical hurts he suffered, and as I sat waiting for the ceremony to begin, I reflected on the time I held him as he cried over a broken heart - how I wanted to help him through the pain, but knew that there were some things that he had to walk himself through and work out on his own. And he did. 

As a mother does, I gave from my heart and loved him unconditionally. I rejoiced at his every accomplishment and cried when life brought harm to him. I held my pain inside when life dealt me blows and presented a brave face to him and handled whatever I had to, out of love for him.

And then, through the process, this child became a man and I now find strength in him. He gave me a wonderful, priceless gift that morning of his wedding day when he acknowledged, with love and gratitude and appreciation, that who he was this day was thanks to me, my love, and all that I had taught and given to him. And so life had come full circle, and the time was to be treasured. 

As Darren started on his new journey in life, I wished for him all the joy that this marriage could bring to him and his long-time sweetheart, Sandra; she is a fine, beautiful, young woman - strong and bright - and I would now love her as my own, for she is part of my life through him. 

I watched Darren standing as his bride walked down the aisle to join him, to start this stage of their life together - and I knew that so many new and priceless family heirlooms would begin to be created by him,  from this day forward - and I felt so very proud to be his mother.

Birthday Presence 

The 24th of January 2010 was the 40th birthday of my first child, my daughter, and, as I thought of the impending celebration that evening (a surprise party planned by her brother and sister-in-law) a surge of bittersweet emotion swirled through my heart and soul.

I sat with her gift and wrapping paper in front of me and began to reflect on where the time had gone. She herself was now a wonderful mother to my 3 precious granddaughters, but I could vividly recall her birth, being in labor, the hospital room, the peeping medical students, and the painful contractions.

The present-tense reality of my daughter’s turning 40 suddenly felt like a fictional time warp.  How could this possibly be - where had all the years gone? It’s not as if I spaced out all those years, with my head in some hole. I knew this day would come - in fact I had been mentally planning for it for quite a long time. But it wasn’t until I had sat down quietly and took that deep breath that my inner feelings came to surface.

Sitting with that breath, steeped in rich emotion, I sensed that my daughter’s birth day 40 years ago was also my birthday - the day that I officially  became a mother - the day I persevered through the perils of childbirth and miraculously produced a healthy baby girl we named Shannon, and with this awareness as a backdrop to my emotional plateau of the moment, I questioned my own growth and maturity as a mother. How did I fare over the years? Did I achieve a higher level of patience, calm and compassion? Was I as loving, giving and understanding as possible? Did I do whatever I could to meet all her emotional and physical needs? Did I spend enough quality time with her? Am I proud of the mother I was during her formative years? If nothing else, my intentions were very honest and sincere. Yes, of course, if only I hadn’t on occasion lost my temper, been distracted with the hassles of life, been too busy as a sole-supporting working Mom to always be available to play with her as a small child, let my frustrations of single-parenthood ruin some of our days, and sometimes said ‘no’ to her simple requests because I was caught up in the ‘hurts’ of life.  And now I faced my regretful, but normal, human imperfections, and felt exceptionally sad at the passing of time. My shortcomings revealed the gaping holes in my reflections of the years gone by and I felt as if time had unethically escaped me.

The actual day of her 40th Birthday, I reminded myself that I had tried to be the best mother that I was able to be and I made a choice to look back and account for all my active years of motherhood with a feeling of completion. Shannon is a kind and compassionate woman, happy in her personal life and successful in her chosen career, and most importantly is a loving and caring mother to her own children.  I want her to know that I did my best and made the most out of each moment that we shared, and I want her to know just how very much she has brought to my life and how very proud I am to be her mother.