We fill our life journey with many memories - footprints that last forever - and we must frame these memories accordingly by living the moments with those we love, by living our life out loud, and by dreaming as if we'll live forever but living as if we'll die tomorrow, keeping in mind that feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

Choices

A little over two months ago I was invited to a party for a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen for far too long. Wine flowed endlessly and appetizers were continuously offered. Many of us in attendance hadn’t seen each other in years. A toast was made to my friend and wonderful words were said about her that had everyone responding in alternating laughter and tears. Stories were told about her - how she was a wonderful mother, always putting her family first; how she was a faithful friend to many; how her keen intelligence and sharp wit had made her successful in her career in Social Work; and how her smile and warm engaging personality won everyone’s heart. Except for one small problem, my friend’s party was one of the most enjoyable get-togethers that I had been to. The problem, though, was that my friend couldn’t make it. She had died a couple of weeks earlier and this was a celebration of her life.

A major dilemma for those of us now in our senior years is that the death of people who have affected, influenced or helped us at various stages in our lives creates this huge untimely void and their demise takes away the opportunity of letting them know, in large and small ways, just how much their friendship, companionship, love or mere presence has made a difference at some point in our lives, or how something they did or said along the way helped to make us the person we are today. Death makes us realize that life offers a big, irritating surprise - it’s short - and in it’s shortness we are given one choice - to laugh or to cry. Whether it’s tomorrow or 10 years from tomorrow, all we have is today and we can’t spend the time given to us by wishing that we had acknowledged the importance of those who are important to us. Life does go on and we must choose to forgive ourselves for failing to tell each other how much a friendship meant to us, or for being embarrassed to let someone know that they said or did something that we never forgot. We must diligently choose to be happy, not sad and we can help ourselves by making certain that we now have the courage to say something meaningful to someone before the memorial service takes place. So - at the risk of looking foolish, I’m starting to let those who have meant the most in my life know how important they still are to me. All I need to do is make the effort - make a point of staying in contact when distance, convenience, and common sense would try to suggest otherwise.  I try to remember birthdays. I try to lend a sympathetic ear when needed. I thank people who gave me breaks when I didn’t deserve them. I try to find the time and I try not to forget.

Even though I won’t be here for my farewell party, I plan (hope) to make it known, before my time is up, how much certain people have meant to me in my lifetime - the ones who gave me my first breaks and my second chances; the ones who put up with my mistakes; the ones I can continue a conversation with as if 25 to 30 years have not gone by; the ones I knew a lifetime ago who still matter to me; and the ones who make me smile when I hear their voice. I’ll continue to do my best to make sure that they know in words and deeds how much they have meant to me - and I will do this by making the one choice offered - to laugh or to cry - thereby making certain that I will not wish that I had said what I should have said years ago.