Her only way home was to betray her friend.....

Friendship, Betrayal, and Confidentiality

Being truly known by another person, exposing our insecurities, weaknesses, hopes and fears can be one of the most significant benefits of a friendship. With friendship, trust is paramount and confidentiality is an expectation. When we are friends, we assume that our secrets are safe. Unfortunately there comes a time when we might experience the hurt and betrayal that occurs when someone who we thought was a friend violates our trust, breaks our confidentiality, uses information told and shared in confidence against us and spreads private information often twisting it and/or spicing it up.

It is a very painful, if not devastating, experience when someone we trusted brings havoc to our personal life. It is impossible to understand why someone we thought was our true friend, someone who offered their friendship with an open ear and a shoulder to lean on, would betray us so maliciously.

In a true friendship there is a sense of safety, affinity, and acceptance. We can be ourself, we don't have to pretend or put up a false front. The ease and comfort, give and take, mutual understanding and respect that come from this type of friendship is what we cherish and desire. The keys to a lasting friendship are trust, respect and loyalty and to have a flourishing relationship it must be ripe with these criteria. However, when a friend betrays us, or turns into our enemy, it leaves an irreparable wound in our heart, as it relates to deception, violation of trust and exposure.  

There are lessons to be learned along the paths of our journey through life, and friendship betrayal, although painful, is truly a lesson that can be well learned. Through the process, we must begin to trust our instincts and protect ourselves from misuse and abuse by choosing our friends more carefully and we can do this by learning more about ourselves. We must no longer be so full of blind trust and we must not be so ready to share something in confidence unless we are absolutely certain that the person we have chosen to be our friend meets all of our necessary criteria. In hindsight, the signs of a friendship betrayer are always there - the constant gossiping, the divulging of the confidences of others etc. - but, for whatever our need at the time, we choose to ignore the signs and so eventually find ourselves betrayed.

Betrayal is probably the most devastating loss a person can experience. In trusting our friend we believe that they would not do anything to hurt us and when they do hurt us, we quickly become aware that the friendship has lost something very important. Unfortunately, this loss is more devastating because it did not have to occur at all, but did because of someone's deliberately hurtful behaviour. There is always a choice and a consequence involved - the betrayer knows what they are doing yet continually chooses to do it anyway. Some people express their inner unhappiness and boredom by 'stirring the pot', creating discord whenever they can. For some with low self-esteem, this is the only way that they can feel important.

We, as a betrayed friend, can begin to heal and flourish and the precious lesson learned can enrich our life and carry us, now more aware, into friendships and relationships with people with whom we want to share our life journey.