The love and devotion I gave to my children I thought I could give to no other, but life handed me a pleasant surprise the day I became a grandmother.......

On Being a "Grammie"

As much as I am thankful for having the privilege of being a mother to my son and daughter, and nurturing them successfully into adulthood, I discovered on April 6, 1996, with the birth of Aynsleigh, my daughter's first child, that being a grandmother is a blessing beyond my deepest dreams.  And, on December 27, 1999 and  November 26, 2001 , with the arrival of Tegan and then Rhianne, my blessings multiplied and, as their grandmother, I was again given the chance to reclaim all the simple pleasures of life.

I truly treasure the moments of my granddaughters' births - few things can compare to the pure happiness I felt being with them when they were born - watching them as newborns in their mommy's arms, seeing the happy glow of new motherhood on my daughter's face holding the precious beings who are my grandchildren -  these memories still bring a sort of mixture of pride all mushed together with images of my own son and daughter when they were born. All these feelings often still come together, and at times it feels as if I will burst with emotion.

Being a grandmother has allowed me a friendship with my granddaughters that wasn't prudent as a parent, as the boundaries of 'grandmotherhood' are much different  from those of motherhood. I enjoy a closeness with my granddaughters that time restraints, financial obligations and the busyness of full time work and motherhood did not lend itself to.  I am able to be the soft  place that they can come to - albeit most often now by texting on their cell phones - when the world isn't going their way. They know that their Grammie is always there to listen to and encourage them when the rest of their world is too busy to devote itself fully to their needs.

As my granddaughters grow older I find that I am again able to be part of a whole extended family unit, but this time as the older, wiser (sometimes!) grandparent, and the one who isn't embarrassed to boast about their exploits as if the things they are able to do have never been done by any child before !

There have been so many new things to discover with being a grandparent - things like seeing the wonder in their new born eyes, the way they smiled at me suddenly out of the blue, or how my insides melted the first time each one of them reached for my hand as we walked,  called me Grammie or said "I love you". And, it was wonderful to discover, as they reached their pre teen/teen years that I am one of their closest confidantes because I have always been on their side and have never had to punish them or reprimand them for the mistakes they invariably made. They can confide in me because they expect and receive emotional support rather than rationality and behavior lessons - that job belongs to their parents - but I am a friend with special power - a friend who can help make their hurts feel better - and when small, a friend who could reach the cookie jar! 

Being a grandmother is the best excuse for me to be a child again - I have been able to shed my preconceptions and stare at the clouds with them, explore every leaf or twig on our walks together, and make snow angels in their back yard. I can be young at heart again. I can be myself with them and know that they will always love me unconditionally, mainly just because I exist. I can drop all outside rolls and pretenses with them and I can enjoy more personal freedom with them and develop a closeness that is like no other - and as I have discovered, close family relationships create independent individuals whether they are six or sixty-six years old. The emotional security we give each other as grandmother and grandchild acts as a secure base from which we can leap and fly and conquer our intertwined worlds. And, through being a grandmother, I have been able to build a new bridge with my daughter, as this is the one time we can truly enjoy an adult relationship as , in the world of parenting, we are now peers.

The events of our lives happen in a sequence of time, but in their significance to ourselves, they find their own order - my granddaughters have taught me much along my life journey - their capacity to love their Grammie is the thing that has given my immediate family life it's deepest meaning and significance and, although other things may change us, we start and end with family. With my granddaughters, that means putting our arms around each other and being there in the moment. That means being joined at the heart.