Damage Control
She used to always feel as if she were an outsider, never comfortable, never fully understanding what was expected of her. She always walked on egg shells wondering had she done the right thing; had she unknowingly offended someone with a remark she made; had her work not been good enough; were her friends or partners acceptable? She constantly felt as if she was being judged and most often came up short, like she had played a game with a set of rules no one had bothered to explain to her. And the older she got, the more uncomfortable she became.
One night she had a vivid, frightening dream full of childhood anxieties. Motivated by the desire to untangle the dream and to find a level in her life where she could function more comfortably and not always be on the borderline of depression, she decided to seek counseling. In her therapy sessions she talked about the many instances when, as a child, she had felt that she wasn't worthy of total love and acceptance, recalling the many times where she had shown a constant need for reassurance.
After several therapy sessions and much in-depth discussion, the counsellor asked her how she would feel toward any other child or adult who demonstrated the same behaviors and her answer came quickly - she would be full of compassion.
She gradually thought about more of her childhood shortcomings and forgave them, one by one. It became like a practice - the forgiving - and before long she was doing it with her adult self as well - forgiving herself for past mistakes in love, in work, in the many daily interactions always open to missteps. She would forgive each mistake, learn from it and try to do better. By learning to master forgiveness she was able to finally nurture her self-esteem and by so doing, she was, after looking for validation in all the wrong places, finally able to validate herself, knowing that, even though she was flawed and imperfect, she was enough.
After several therapy sessions and much in-depth discussion, the counsellor asked her how she would feel toward any other child or adult who demonstrated the same behaviors and her answer came quickly - she would be full of compassion.
She gradually thought about more of her childhood shortcomings and forgave them, one by one. It became like a practice - the forgiving - and before long she was doing it with her adult self as well - forgiving herself for past mistakes in love, in work, in the many daily interactions always open to missteps. She would forgive each mistake, learn from it and try to do better. By learning to master forgiveness she was able to finally nurture her self-esteem and by so doing, she was, after looking for validation in all the wrong places, finally able to validate herself, knowing that, even though she was flawed and imperfect, she was enough.
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