Tears are a sign of a hurt heart and a shattered soul.....

Expressing Emotions

For most of her life she never was allowed to see crying as an expected, positive or even necessary part of life - not to mention something that one would ever do in front of other people. She was fed the belief that crying was shameful - at best, a sign of weakness and deficiency and, at worst, a symptom of immaturity and petulance. However, several life experiences along the twisted paths of her life journey have changed her perspective.

The most significant of these experiences occurred when she found herself sitting opposite  a psychologist to whom she had been referred by her family doctor when she was having a difficult time adjusting to a major physical and emotional relationship loss along her journey. Out of the corner of her eye, at their first 'session', she saw a tissue box that had been decorated like an arts & crafts project, with yellow construction paper and the words "Survivor Kit" printed in blue high-liter pen on both sides of the box. She surmised that this was some kind of an inside joke to which she was not privy and so promptly shrugged it off.

During her subsequent visits to his office, the psychologist would sometimes nonchalantly take the box of tissues and place it on his desk, directly within her reach - not in a condescending or mocking way, but just as if to say "Don't be embarrassed if you start to cry. Emotions are healthy. Crying is just an expression of your soul."

Touchy-feely? Yes. Stereotypical? Definitely. But as soon as she let her guard down she was surprisingly comforted. Until then, due to the dynamics of the relationship she had been completely immersed/trapped in, she believed that, as a woman, and in order to make the relationship successful, she must stifle her emotions, and was constantly made to feel embarrassed and out of control for expressing them in any way.

Through the expert guidance of her 'counselor' she came to the realization that if she cried, for whatever reason, she need not be seen as crazy or hysterical or overly emotional. In fact, she could legitimately be seen as having a unique gift - the strength and capacity to be in touch with the deepest parts of herself, her very essence - something it is apparent that many men have a much harder time assessing.

As silly as it might seem, the tissue box was a kind of epiphany for her. She had learned that despite what society and/or particular people with whom she had shared her journey might have her believe, it was quite natural for her to get in touch with her deepest emotions, to admit her needs, and to express her vulnerability, and therefore her tendency to express these emotions is a treasure and one that she should never allow anyone, or herself, to devalue.