Write what is in your heart as if everyday may be your last....

My Legacy For My Children

For as long as I can remember I have been telling myself that I will fulfill my dreams - experience my passion - and write a book - I would use all of my experiences, and everything that I have learned about life and all the people with whom I have crossed paths and write my novel. Would that it should be so easy! My need to fulfill my dream is very powerful, but life seems to have  always put roadblocks in the way! 

The joyful birth of my new grandson, however, has made me reflect again on all that life gives to us - good and bad - happy and sad, and my memories have taken me back to the loss of my mother, several years ago, to Alzheimer Disease. Having experienced the pain of watching her decent into, and ultimate death from Alzheimer Disease, I think of the memories of a mother unknown. Her past was imprisoned in the shell of who she was with Alzheimer's and that is all I or my children and grandchildren have left of her - the disease had eaten away her mind and concurrently robbed us of her past. There is so much that we don't know about her and will never know about her. Each memory we have is now only a moment captured in time, fringed with nostalgia but lacking in depth. 

Tomorrow is promised to no-one, and should familial Alzheimer Disease rear its ugly head and cover me in its dark veil, I realize again that I need to, for my children and grandchildren, prepare a 'memory' trail - a story - of my journey through life - my thoughts, my loves, my likes, my dislikes, my accomplishments, my failures - my everyday existence. 

So - I am now in the process of jumping in with both feet. I must see to it that my children and grandchildren never feel remorse at having never truly known the inner 'workings' of their mother/grandmother. I must see to it that the words in me have a voice that can be shared. I must write - I will write - so that when I die, they will have known me well. They will know that I loved them and why. They will know what I loved about life. They will know that I was a writer, and that my words were authentic accounts of my life journey and these words will last their lifetime. My words will be my legacy to them.

My quest to journal my footprints has sustained my dreams and hopes and given me something to strive for, and my ultimate wish is that the 'results' will warm my family's heart, comfort them and make their memories of me real and touchable and keep me close to them - always.