Along the twisted paths of our life  journey,  we often discover that being misunderstood can be very, very painful and can paint us  in a negative light.....but - through positive reflection, we can also learn that the negative things that result from misunderstandings can not be controlled by us and so do not have to be perceived as the final measure of who we are.  

On Being Misunderstood

One of the hardest things for her was being misunderstood - you could even say she hated it - having someone (especially those in her life whom she loved) misunderstand her, misinterpret her, and judge her incorrectly. Maybe it wasn't even the misunderstanding that she hated so much, as much as it was the times that  she was given no opportunity to clarify and bring about understanding. She thought maybe that was it - that misunderstandings with clarity and understanding immediately after the issue, she could handle, but misunderstanding with no clarity and understanding afterwards, she could not. 

She always wanted to go back to the issues at hand and be understood, and constantly wondered what the root of that was - was it her pride wanting to make sure that she wanted someone to really understand where she was coming from, or was it her attempt to control what people thought of her. Or was it her desire to please people and consequently have them like/love her. She did know that she had a very hard time letting the misunderstanding go. Especially, she believed, because she was someone who desired integrity and wanted people to see the honest picture of her true character, as the thought of her character or actions being called into question truly devastated her.  

There are different levels of misunderstandings, and she felt that she had experienced them all in the past few years with the actual physical loss of her mother and the subsequent painful emotional loss of her family.  The consequences of those events had left her feeling that she was alone in her world without the hope of ever being understood by those with whom she had shared her heart and soul. To her, being truly misunderstood was  so much deeper than life's day to day negative scenarios. It meant actual judgements having been made about her and her children and partner, and her not being given the liberty to correct those who had made the judgements. It meant suffering the bite of the offenses and the consequences with a very real hurt that remained unknown to those who had made the remarks and the judgements and in one particular instance, those who had issued the consequences of sibling disassociation. She felt like she had been put into a box, out of her control, and had no way of negotiating with those who had put her there - the ones who believed their ideas about her, and not her truth. How could she even conceive of attempting to start 'peace-treaty' talks, or attend family gatherings and important celebrations, when she was in the prison of being misunderstood? How could she correct the rumors and misconceptions about her and her character when the circumstances and persons in 'power' had put a proverbial piece of duct tape over her mouth and left her feeling that she had no voice to raise? If they had only listened with an open mind to what she had to say, and if they had only validated her right to have an opinion and something to say and accepted that she was their equal - and if only they had heard her and offered her a "we understand how you could feel the way you do", the tapestry of her family would still be on the loom, weaving rich, colorful memories.

She had suffered greatly for being misunderstood and as a result she has had to change, but through this change has come acceptance and growth. She is learning that understanding is an ongoing thing and can only be shared with those who are interested in each other - not just themselves - with those who want to be interested in learning who she is at this moment, and she in who they are in this moment - and in this moment........and in this moment..... She is learning to emotionally manage the misunderstandings, recognize and evaluate them from where and when they came, and can now actually view having being misunderstood as a positive learning experience - a good life lesson - and as of today - no more fear and no more regret - a tribute now to a loving, safe and comfortable acceptance and understanding of who she is - flaws and all.