Contentment At Last
One of the most important life lessons that she has learned over the past several years has been how to find contentment. It has been a long, painful and often lonely walk, but now that she has 'graduated', she looks back and realizes that she is actually glad that she had taken the journey.
Along the paths on which she chose to place her footprints she had struggled with feeling insecure about herself, rued the loss of her siblings and their families through their misguided judgements, doubted her ability to enjoy retirement, did not believe that she had the discipline to change her habits, and doubted herself as a writer. All of this, of course, led to other problematic situations: she sought happiness and pleasure in distraction and procrastination. Her health deteriorated, she was constantly unhappy, and did not sleep well. Not a pretty picture.
She now realized, however, that had she never been in that negative space she would never have been able to understand why she was there and how to get out of it. And so she was grateful. She had learned a lot - about herself and how to find happiness in who she was, what she was, who she was with, what she does, and all that's around her. She is now emotionally self-reliant, and this has transformed her relationships and her happiness. She no longer needs other people to fulfill her emotional needs, to make her happy, or to blame for her unhappiness.
Her love, comfort, support and validation now come from within her. Her happiness is not in the future, not somewhere else or through someone else but is available right inside her now, all the time. She can now exist as a whole, happy person, needing nothing. From this place of wholeness, of self-reliance and independence she can love those with whom she shares her life journey, not because she wants them to love her back, not because she wants to be needed, but because loving them, to her, is wonderful.
And she is, at last, content.
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