EULOGY FOR
CHARLOTTE
Paperman and Sons Funeral Home
Montreal, Quebec
August 1, 2013
Charlotte and I have been friends for 41 years. Our souls
were friends first. I know that sounds a bit outrageous, but it is the only way
that I can explain the relationship that I had with my friend. I truly believe that some spiritual
source ensured that Charlotte and I would cross paths, sometime and somewhere,
along this crazy path that we call life, and husbands, children, jobs, miles,
beliefs and the years between us aside, we did enter each other’s life.
What
really is true friendship and how do we define a friend? I think
that the answer is different for each one of us, yet we all know that no matter
who we may call a friend, true friendship is reserved for those select few who
impact every aspect of our lives - yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
I met
Charlotte over 41 years ago. After a chain of unlikely events, we ended up
participating in a workshop together, searching for answers about our lives,
our struggles in this life and ourselves. Our relationship started out with a comfortable
sharing of our thoughts and through this sharing, it has continued to this day,
only more intensely and deeply than we ever thought possible. We easily became
friends. We were both in our 20‘s at the time, and it felt as if we had known
each other for years. We talked on the phone incessantly, learning about each
other’s lives and discussing how we wanted our futures to unfold. Although of
different spiritual backgrounds, we shared many of the same beliefs and were
going through the same life experiences.
In those
first few months, we talked about everything and anything. Our conversations
flowed and they seemed to go on forever - whether it was religion, politics,
philosophy, recipes, child-rearing, relationships, families and/or family
struggles. We really loved every minute that we were able to spend with each
other, on the phone or in person. When we talked we always learned more about
ourselves. And the best part about our friendship is that we cared about each
other and each other’s growth as a person. Her genuine warmth and honesty were
a refreshing change from most things that I had, at that time, experienced in my world. I was happy that we quickly got to the point where our friendship
knew no bounds.
And then
things changed in an instant. I had to move - not just around the corner, but
over approx. 700 miles away near Sudbury, Ontario. My husband was transferred with his job. Charlotte
was happy for me in that it meant a chance for my marriage to hopefully restore
itself and my family to grow together, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was
losing a part of me. I would miss her company, guidance, humor, and the happy
holiday times we had spent together over the years. But even more frightening
was that I felt I was losing the one person who knew the true me, the one
person who inspired me and kept me moving in the right direction. I thought for
sure that after I had moved, I would have no one to share my hopes and my
dreams with. Thankfully, I was
wrong.
It has now
been over 36 years since that cold winter morning when I stood outside her
home, not able to let go of each other for the last time before I left
Montreal. Although visits were not as frequent as we would have liked them to
be, we did manage to see each other once a year and following my divorce and
subsequent move to Toronto, we have been able to share and enjoy much more time
together, especially in the past few years as our children started their own
lives and we were no longer in the throws of active motherhood. We continued to
share our life journey - the good and the bad. Nothing changed between us. I
consider Charlotte my ‘adopted’ sister - and I feel very blessed to have been
given that privilege. She was always non-judgmental, offering insight,
knowledge, love and compassion. She has been a gift beyond measure offering me
a safe place to fall with her sympathetic ear, encouraging words, understanding
heart and overwhelming generosity, both emotionally and materially. She has
always been there for me no matter the time lapses and/or the mile distances
between us. I know that even
though she is no longer with us physically, we will always share this special
connection called friendship.
Death is a major clarifier and having walked through this journey with
Charlotte, my soul is in a very dark place. Although I am doing my best to keep
my emotions under control, I am deeply saddened and feel an immense sense of
injustice that such a good person has had to face this battle and experience
such pain. But Charlotte, through her wisdom and strength, has exited this
bumpy road of life without anger or sadness, and she continued to teach me by
reminding me that she has loved, has been loved, laughed till tears ran down
her face, cried till she thought her heart would break and she continued,
throughout the time she had left, to look forward to every new sunrise and
enjoy each sun down - she lived a blessed life and is grateful for all the
blessings her life gave her.
Though our words to each other defined us, it was the love that we had
for each other that connected us – I have loved her deeply and treasure our
connection. I will always be able to close my eyes, hear her voice, and hold
her hand – and our souls will continue to unite us, as I truly believe that
some spiritual source – even though we are of different spiritual backgrounds –
ensured that Charlotte and I would cross paths, sharing our footprints along
this complex journey called life.
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