We can only grow when we remember that we are not what we appear to be.....

Weaving a New Life

She had long been prone to extremes and dramatic declarations - especially at times of loss or change.

After her love relationship ended, she experienced relentless sad, dark, depressing feelings. Realistically she realized that she was not so much missing her partner as much as she was missing the relationship she had thought she could have and the 'us' that it had included. She reached an emotional point where she she didn't know how she could continue to feel such depths of rejection, sadness and despair.

During one particular painful memory moment she decided to make a list of everything she was missing about her relationship life - from the smallest to the largest - and there were hundreds of items. Sobbing as she read it, an idea came into her thoughts and that was to see how many opposite items she could find - things that she didn't miss - and surprisingly, and in hindsight, not so surprisingly, she found an opposite for each one. And that amazed her.

After creating and reading the two lists, she had a profound experience of 'living in the middle' - neither missing the relationship or not missing it. It felt solid and blended and very real to be in this middle space. She felt like she could now access unconditional self-loving instead of idolizing or demonizing her past relationship and partner and in this process she has realized that her suffering came from comparing how it was to how it is and/or how she felt it would or should have been.

She is now utilizing this weaving process to break free from the polarized spell where everything is extreme, either/or, good/bad, idealized or demonized. She has now become aware that the middle is such a rich, expansive place, after having lived within the margins of extremes. Weaving her life in the middle, after experiencing loss, grief and emotional pain offers her a  much wider and more self-forgiving perspective.