Little Changes
Although she knew that it was time to undertake a new change in her life she was having difficulties drawing a blueprint to her future. Her memories kept returning her to a place of sadness and in that sadness came hopelessness, and in that hopelessness she found herself believing that she would not make the right changes. She so badly wanted to give up and give in to the emotional tunnel that kept pulling her backwards into doubt, anxiety, fear and dread. Facing her grief and emotions was extremely uncomfortable and so she kept telling herself that it would be okay to quit, her life or happiness didn't matter any more, she would deal with it all another time, she was not disciplined enough to handle it now, it was too hard, she couldn't do it, she was going to fail again anyway. All she really wanted was to stop thinking and feeling.
But that, of course, was not possible. She started hearing the story she had been telling herself, over and over again, and began to realize that she would continue failing because of that story. It stood in her way, more than the actual past she was now having to face, and so, to move on, she was going to have to change the story or drop it altogether.
When she did drop it, she quickly found that without the story telling her that she couldn't or shouldn't do something, there was just the reality of the world around her - just her and the moment - and without the distraction of that story she was able to have a basic understanding goodness and love in her heart. All she had needed was to take the love in her heart and be happy and able to do the things that were compassionate to herself. The struggles that she had been up against gradually all went away, as she relaxed them and turned to the goodness of the moment. And she was now able to take a step into her future.
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