Commitment is never an act of moderation.....

Deception's Damage 

She had loved him - truly loved him - she laid her heart open to him. She gave him a part of herself that she gave to no one else, and she let him inside a part of her that only he could hurt. She literally handed him a razor with a map of where to cut the deepest and most painfully on her heart and soul. But being truly known by him, exposing her insecurities, weaknesses, hopes and fears was one of the most significant benefits of a loving and committed relationship - or so she thought. Trust was paramount. She assumed that she was safe.

And so it was a very painful and devastating experience when the man she trusted with her heart and soul - the love of her life - brought havoc into her personal life. She found it impossible to understand why someone she had been led to believe was her soul mate - the person who supposedly gave her his love and his friendship with an open heart, a shoulder to cry on and a safe place to fall - would betray her so maliciously.

In a true loving and committed relationship there is a sense of security, affinity and acceptance. She could therefore, she believed, be herself with no need to pretend or put up a false front. The ease and comfort, give and take and mutual understanding and respect that should come from this love relationship was what she cherished and desired - and had been promised. For the relationship to flourish it needed to be ripe with this criteria. Unfortunately, when he betrayed her and turned into her enemy, it left an irreparable wound on her heart - a wound related to deception, violation of trust and exposure. 

His betrayal was probably the most devastating loss she had ever experienced. In trusting him she believed that he would  never do anything to hurt her and when he did she was very quickly thrown into the lion's den and her whole existence was pulled out from under her. The loss was even more devastating when, with his cruel words and emotional abuse she realized that his love had not ever been love at all. He chose to betray her - actually planned to do so . There is always a choice and a consequence involved in everything we do,  and he knew- whether in the throws of a bipolar episode or not - what he was doing, yet he continually chose to hurt her.

She believed that in a true love relationship love is a command - not just a feeling. It is a cherishing and a nurturing and a tenderness of heart determined to serve - a commitment to give each other's life the peace and joy they should receive - so when his betrayal took place and she became a victim of his change of heart she experienced incredible, unrelenting pain, suffering, hurt, anger, self doubt, acute loneliness and a true sense of loss. She would never again exist in the bubble in which she once felt loved, safe and secure. And because of the damage of his deception her world would never be the same.....