Ode to Joy
Through lessons learned along my life journey I have come to believe that joy is a spiritual practice that I have to continually work at, but the good news is that joy, collected over time, fuels resilience - ensuring that I'll have reservoirs of emotional strength when difficult times happen.
As a young mother I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I used to stand over my two children while they slept and just as a profound sense of love and joy washed over me, I would begin to imagine horrible things happening to them - illness, car accidents, abductions, drownings, fires. I would wonder if other mothers felt the same things or if I was unhinged, as I was always in a state of constant disaster planning.
I used to think that the most terrifying human experience was joy. It was as if by truly feeling happiness, I would be setting myself up for disaster. What I have since learned along the path of my journey is that worrying about things that haven't happened does not protect me from emotional pain. There is no way to prepare for the unknown - or for any tragedy. 'Catastrophising' life squanders away the one thing that I want more of in my life - joy - and I simply can't know joy without embracing vulnerability.
So I now focus more on gratitude - not fear. When I feel myself becoming traumatized by the 'what ifs', I remind myself that I am just feeling vulnerable. This reminder takes me out of my brain - I stop the negative thoughts and get back on track. I practice being thankful - for my children, my grandchildren, my partner, my friends, my place and stage in life - and, more effectively, I speak my gratitude aloud to others, both verbally and through the written word in my journal and/or blog.
I now allow myself to feel joy deeply, and this means that I appreciate all my everyday moments - no longer living in fear of what I could lose, but softening into the joyful moments that I do have.
No comments:
Post a Comment