New Beginnings
She noticed that it was beginning to get dark earlier these days. It was only mid November yet there was an icy coolness in the air as the sky began to darken. But she was feeling a little warm, - perhaps from the anxiety and nervousness in the pit of her stomach. In a few minutes he would be there. She couldn't believe that it was actually happening, felt like she was part of a made-for-TV movie. But some part of her had obviously clued in, because, while it all seemed remote and unreal, she was literally shaking with nervous energy.
She had put on her 'little black dress' under which was her new black-lace underwear. She had perfectly plucked her eyebrows, painted her finger and toe nails a nice cherry red and had had her hair cut in a fresh, yet somewhat funky, hair style. She looked in the mirror and liked what she saw. Maybe because she was excited or maybe because she was more comfortable with herself in middle-age. She was a bit larger than she wanted to be - than what he would remember her being - but there was something still strongly feminine about her new curves. Her eyes were dark and purposeful. Her lips were softly lined and sensual. She looked and felt like a woman who had seen things, knew things, experienced things. A woman who could be trusted. She was the best she could be and now all she had to do was wait.
She had invited him for dinner ten days ago, when they had discovered each other again and renewed their acquaintance during a lunch break at the business conference they were both attending in the city. It was now many years after they had gone their separate ways - he to Vancouver, she to Toronto - after ending their casual dating relationship, both of them in search of careers, and not then prepared to take on the responsibilities of a more permanent relationship. He had readily accepted her invite.
The meal was cooked. The house was clean and arranged just so. She sat on the love seat by the window, awaiting his arrival. She pictured him pulling up in the driveway. Wondered if he was nervous too. She thought how wonderful it would be if he could actually accept her as she was now - and this time maybe really learn to love her - and how extraordinary that would be. She thought that the good thing about falling in love when you are middle-aged is that you wouldn't have to always be asking your partner if they'll still love you when you are old and grey. You are already old and grey! She thought that to have somebody love her now would feel even better than winning the lottery.
She heard a car door shut and peeked out to see, in the soft dusky light, a figure walking up the front pathway. She felt her whole body clench - not a good feeling - fear - like a spasm. Fortunately it passed quickly and she went to the front door, only pausing for a minute before opening it. She watched him walk towards her and smile as he approached the door. She couldn't help smiling back as she took him all in - the grey tweed jacket, the khaki pants, the black T-shirt. The strong, manly neck. The flecks of silver in his hair. His smile didn't change at all. His eyes were filled with warmth as he took her face in his hands and kissed her.
At dinner they talked and laughed. He liked her cooking. He liked being with her. There was no need for words. .
She knew that there were few moments in life that alter you - few moments that act as a curtain between then and now. The past and the future. Few moments that were better in real life than in memory . She realized that this night was one of those moments. She knew that pleasure can be fleeting and that love is uncertain. But at this exact moment she was happier than she had been in a very long time and she was suddenly certain that in this moment was a chance for a new beginning - a beginning that had eluded her, until now.
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